But Too Well

LXVII : Ready

ABOUT A MONTH after Daniel and I make-up, it finally happens.

"Rosalyn," Natalia begins over the phone, and from her voice I know, I know what she's going to say. My smile splits my face nearly in half.

"He finally asked you, didn't he?"

"Yes." I can hear the overwhelming emotion in her voice. I don't think I've ever witnessed her so happy before. "I know you talked to him, Rosalyn." Her voice sobers. "Thank you. I just..."

I think she might be crying, and she brings tears to my eyes too. "I am so happy for you, Natalia. When's the big day?"

She laughs, and the lightness behind each word makes me smile. "We haven't decided yet. Probably this spring or summer."

It's nearly January. Rain, rain, and more rain here in Vancouver. "That sounds wonderful, Natalia."

She sniffles. "I am so happy, Rosalyn. I know it hasn't been an easy couple of years, and the last two months have been hell, but..."

"You deserve it, Nat. You two are perfect together." I blink back the wetness. "My idiot brother finally came to his senses."

Her laughter is pure and I can hear the joy in every breath. She loves him and he loves her. Happily ever after.

There's an undeniable tug on my heart. Love love love love love... The thought of it plays over and over in my head. Caleb, Nero. It hurts, damn it. But a warm glow fills me when I think of my brother and Natalia and what they have together. Sometimes it works out in the end.

Our silence grows heavy, her voice sobers. She knows I want to know but am not willing to ask. "He's doing well, Ros."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Yeah?"

"Yes. He's mostly recovered. He's working. He's good."

I want to know more, I want to ask her more. But that's not really fair. He's doing what's good for him and I'm doing what's good for me. When—if—that means us being together, I have no clue. But the thought of him makes me curious and it hurts but it's warm, too.

"I'm glad he's doing well."

I think I hear her hesitate, like she wants to say more. Maybe convince me to talk to him, or ask me how I'm feeling about him, or something like that. But she doesn't, and I'm grateful.

I'm still having a hard time sorting out everything I'm feeling, everything I'm feeling towards him. It's messy and painful and I still want him but I don't know if I should.

•§•

AT SOME POINT during the wedding planning process, Daniel and I sit down for lunch. We laugh and talk and banter like old times, and it's easy to forget, in moments like these, all the shit that I've put behind me, that I'm working on putting behind me.

"So, as the resident artist and graphic designer, I am taking charge of your RSVPs, okay?"

Daniel's eyes sparkle. "I don't know if we can afford you, Ros."

I give him a dirty look. "I wasn't going to charge you anything at first, but now my price has tripled."

"I'm pretty sure zero times three is still zero."