Alienated

The Crow

But there's something I can't afford to lose.

I am an alien.

But I have my dearest crow.
"I can hide from friends but I cannot hide from you
These chemical reactions are dividing me"
These are the lyrics that I want to prescribe to it.
My crow
that is the only reason why I keep going.

The only reason I am not choking on cyanide tonight.

The only reason I can't hang myself this night.
I want it to stay.
Even if sometimes it flies away.
Out of my sight and reach.

I feel so unsafe.

I want to escape this body and fly with it.

But tonight it is grounded by its heavy burden of its wings.

The crow wants to be left alone sometimes.
I understand.
I understand everything.
I understand what it's feeling and I want to help it.

I want to save it from others who want to hurt it.
Those who hunt it.
Those who run after it.

The ravens that came before it pecked my holes in my heart.
I patched them up with ugly ink.
Although sometimes I wonder whenever

my toxic body

hurt them too.

It must have.

I am afraid.

I am afraid that I'll hurt my dearest crow.
My one source of comfort that I rely on too much.

It must be so hard for it.
I am so sorry.

I'm sorry.
Please don't hate me.
I know I'm a shitty person.
That's why I'm an alien.
I give advice that I cannot ingest.
I choke on the words I don't even say.

The maggots inside me ate everything good part of my body.
The leeches sucked out my blood.
The ravens pierced my heart.
The crow kept me alive.

So please don't alienate me.
Even if I'm an alien in this world and life.

I may not always want to be alive
but with you, I feel it's worthwhile living.