Alrighty, This is personal so strap yourself in and let's get going.
So my first relationship was with Samara, and we were cute and adorable and awesome!!! But I always felt bad, like I was weighing her down, and she didn't actually like me. But we're best friends now and i love her so much.
After, I kind of decided to not online date anymore, because we don't get to actually see each other often, but I love my online friendships so so so so much.
Then I had a long term crush on a girl we'll call Bailey. I had a crush on her for a year!!! But she never liked me, it was the type of love where you see them and talk to them sometimes, but you love them afar. Slowly I started liking other people, and seeing the person she really was, so my crush, well to put it bluntly, died.
After Bailey, I liked Bella, she was beautiful and nice to me, but she didn't really like me in that way. She hates physical contact and I honestly can't see her ever liking anyone. So my crush died.
After Bella, I liked Amelia! Amelia is beautiful and cute and great at singing and omg how did I get so lucky???????? So me and Amelia had this joke that we'd hug and say "no homo!!" after. People at our school were kinda homophobic, so instead of fighting with words, we fought with love, well sorta. When fighting homophobia, instead of "no homo" we'd say "yes homo". When not fighting homophobia, sometimes we'd just hold hands and hug for as long as possible, but sometimes we'd just act like friends. I've liked her for a while now, and last week on Wednesday, December 20th, 2017, we were fighting homophobia as usual, and so our friend Marvin started chanting "kiss, kiss, kiss!!" at us and so to battle homophobia, we did a stage kiss, which is where you put your hands on the other person's face and thumbs on the other persons lips and kiss the thumbs. So she stage kissed me and all the homophobes were like "ew!!" and we were pleased with ourselves, and then we had to go to class. Then at lunch period we did it again and stage kissed again, I felt so happy because I liked her so much oh my jesus and I felt like the butterflies in my stomach were going to kill me!! So then we skipped PE cause it was the last week of school so PE was switched to final prep, and since Wednesday was the last day, in the PE period, we had a school movie thing. Since I go to private school because of bullying, there are only like 58 people at my school. So like 20-30 people were watching the movie (Coraline) while the others were outside somewhere and I had never watched Coraline and I was sitting with Amelia and I got scared so she let me like hug her and shit but it made me happy, even though earlier that day she was texting someone how if they were both going to die alone she'd rather die with them then anyone else (killed me just a bit okay). So then school was over and I went home, since it was my sister's birthday.
Fast forward to Thursday, December 21st 2017, I had a school event from 5:30-8:30pm, and so I went and so I won a citizenship award and a few other people and so did Amelia and so we were standing on that stage holding hands and it was cute. Then my band preformed and so did hers and she sounded fan-fucking-tastic oh my god she's a 1000x better than me at singing. Fast forward again, I won an english award and my heart started beating really fast. So it was awards time and she won a fashion award and a theatre award and I was super proud of her and we hugged and I told her I was proud of her a lot. So fast forward a bit again, and it was like 8:00, so a bunch of people started leaving. So I had to leave, so I said bye to Coal and Kitty and then I went over to Amelia and asked if I could talk to her for a second, she said yes and we walked out the auditorium for a second and then I hugged her and told her it was embarrassing for me to say and I was regretting my decision hella hard. But then in a rush of adrenaline from the night, since so much stuff was happening and I was kinda giddy but also nervous, my stomach tied in knots and my heat was racing a mile a minute so I just leaned close to her and whispered in her ear "I kind of, like you more than a friend..." so I was scared and pulled away, I was so scared but she just smiled and said "Me too." I WANTED TO SCREAM. This whole ordeal happened in a matter of seconds but it seemed like minutes. So then she goes "Let's keep in touch during break, what's your number?" so I give it to her and then I hug her again. Then I have to leave. But she's so sweet. Here's a screenshot I took earlier today.
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anyway, I'm sorry of this was written like shit I'm still giddy and get butterflies whenever I think about it.
