debauchery *gawsten* ✓

Chapter Five

edit: 8.19.20
tw; mention of death.
910 words

awsten p.o.v.

i think i would have been dead by now if i didn't have otto. without otto, there would be no brief moments of pink-yellow lemonade. i would surely drown in the blue-violet-black if it weren't for him.

i wished i could share the pink-yellow lemonade with him.

our science teacher this year was mr. watson, who was a godsend. he had a pink-green-azure air about him that i couldn't help but feel safe with.

that is, until geoff walked into the room. i sunk low in my chair in an attempt to hide my faded blue head. unfortunately, otto didn't notice what i was trying to do and called geoff over.

geoff hesitated. i hoped in vain that he would leave us alone, but he made his way over.

he looked at me with concern and confusion. "awsten, i'm-i'm sorry for asking you why-that question. i-i understand if you never tell me. i didn't mean to upset you."

i bit my lip. i didn't know what i could sign to him. sure, i was still a little shaken up, but i wasn't red at him.

it's fine, i signed while otto translated. i'm just over-sensitive and i don't have a properly functioning fight or flight mode. constant flight.

"awsten, i'm really sorry." geoff said again.

i huffed. seriously, just drop it, okay? it's fine, i'm not...mad at you. otto had to supply the word 'mad' for me; i forgot that was their word for 'red.'

"you're not?" he asked. "but what was...earlier?"

me being a jackass, i signed.

otto said, "it was really just him unsure of what to do because everyone else doesn't ask him direct questions like that."

i glared at him for sugar-coating my response. he just ignored me.

geoff nodded slowly. "okay...okay."

"hey, what's your next class?" otto asked him suddenly.

geoff looked at his schedule. "uh-english. you?"

i snapped my fingers in a hook-like motion as otto said, "damn. we have photography."

"wait, so home ec. isn't required?!" geoff almost shouted. i was so startled that i almost fell off my stool.

i sat panting with my palms planted firmly on the table top as geoff fervently apologised and asked if i was okay. i simply nodded, although i felt a little dazed.

"do we have any more classes together?" otto asked. we checked and compared our schedules. to my horror, we shared gym class.

"oh, geoff, wait until you see awsten's arms," otto said. "he's so fit, it's insane." i backhanded him in the chest as a reply.

geoff looked hopeful. "wait, are you really?"

i shook my head and signed, not even.

"yes even!" otto groaned, rubbing his chest where i had hit him. "that hit just proved it. you might be a small boy, but damn, you're strong."

my cheeks heated up. i knew he was just hyping me up, but the gesture was appreciated. i put my cold hands on my cheeks, as if that would help at all. 

"front board," mr. watson suddenly said.

"see you two in gym." geoff whispered.

it was hard for me to focus on the lesson past all the key-lime coloured splinters. i tapped out morse code splinters to let otto know. he responded by rubbing small circles into the back of my neck.

photography was after science. since mrs. evans was our teacher again this year, otto and i were allowed to brainstorm photo op ideas. photography distracted me from just about anything; i used photos to express myself or to explain.

lately, i've been obsessed with taking and editing photos so that i can share the pink-yellow lemonade with otto. he doesn't know that's my overall mission. all he knows is that it's special and for him.

"so, tomorrow we go to the florist, yeah? and get the what-yellow tulips?" otto asked.

roses, i signed. and pink ones too.

he wrote that down into our notebook. "okay. and where?"

this i didn't know. a place i certainly knew would show him the pink-yellow lemonade was my studio. that was at my house though, and he's only ever been there twice or thrice.

our treehouse, i decided. we'll set something up in there, yeah?

otto writes some more. "yeah, sounds-" the bell rung, interrupting him. i was packing up cheerfully until i saw what class was next. on the way to the locker rooms, otto had to basically drag me down the hallways.

"awsten, you'll be fine." he said with frustrated laughter.

no.

he didn't know about the blue-black-red on my stomach. he didn't know about the blue-violet.

"what gym clothes did you bring?" otto asked. i felt my lower lip tremble with black-black when i was reminded of the blue and red shirts. i pulled them from my gym bag with shame. he watched me sadly.

"why are you always cold? and why are they both horrible colours?"

i am small boy, i signed. i cannot keep up a body temperature for the life of me.

"shouldn't you get that checked out then?" i shook my head. let's just get to class, dude.

we hurried to change before anyone else came in. i had just barely put on my long-sleeve shirt when geoff came in. he was smirking. "wanna show me those guns or not, awsten?" he asked instead.

i wiggled my eyebrows. come and get them, pretty boy, i signed, causing otto to laugh and geoff to wonder what was so funny.