This chapter is a bit different, as it explores some of Nathanael's demons. Most of my chapters give Draco all of the angst, but Draco gets a break for this one. If you want more info on Nath, read my fanfic My Silent Scream or look up Miraculous Ladybug Nathanael. I am also incorporating some of my own personal headcanons into this, such as Nathanael hitting a growth spurt and getting tall, and Nathanael's twin is Chloe Borgouis's lackey, Sabrina. The song is an original that I wrote the lyrics to and a friend composed on piano. If you want an actual video, let me know and I can try to get one for you. I don't own anything, all HP stuff is J.K. Rowling's and Nathanael/tomato son is Thomas Astruc's/Zagtoons. Enjoy!
Nathanael
He had saved Draco, but Draco hadn't noticed how deep Nathanael was sinking into his own pain. Nath sighed as he looked at the infamous Mirror.
Staring at the mirror
What is this face I see
Who am I underneath the paint
Whoever they are, I'd love to meet them.
He glanced at his watch, revealing the time. He knew he should get to the dorms, but he couldn't stop the words running through his head.
However long I've stood here, it's been too long already
I'm repeating what you said over and over
Just please tell me, Why am I not pretty?
Why had he said that? Nathanael knew that he wasn't the best-looking male, he was much too tall at almost 2 metres, his hair was much too red, his figure was much too lanky. His eyes were probably the best-looking part about him. He knew he wasn't handsome, but it was what had come after.
If I drown will you save me
I can't hold on much more
If I fall will you catch me
I seem to have lost my wings
I just wanted you to see
All that you've done to me
That I will never forgive
Now in the Gryffindor bath, he sank deeper into the slightly scalding water, letting the steam envelop him. He knew Draco was going through a hard time right now, with his parents separating and other things, but did Draco really need to say that? Nathanael still couldn't get it out of his head, it was like a catchy song, except poisoning his thoughts.
Why am I not drawing?
This page is much too white you see
White is pain, white is death, white is what I feel
Nathanael stared down at the empty sketchbook page. In Paris, he would get in trouble for drawing so much, now he couldn't even draw Marinette.
Don't tell me I can't do it
Please don't tell me that I'm worthless
Yes, I know that I deserve to die
But what if I'm already dead inside?
Draco was looking at him from across the classroom, trying to get his attention. Nathanael didn't notice.
If I drown will you save me
I can't hold on much more
If I fall will you catch me
I seem to have lost my wings
I just wanted you to see
All that you've done to me
That I will never forgive
Nathanael could forgive Draco, but the words sent him spiralling into the darkness of his mind.
Staring up at the fading world
Slowly fading into black
My sight is filled with red
From the arms that I attacked
On the roof of the Astronomy tower, Nathanael stared at the stars as the world faded from view. He especially focused on the Draco constellation.
What will you do when I'm gone?
You probably won't even notice
You're much too deep in your own pain to notice I was hurting
I stopped you from ending it because you don't deserve to die
But really, how did you not notice how much I was hurting inside?
Nath knew Draco hadn't noticed, so he called Sabrina. She had come all the way from Paris to help him, then left him o the tower roof, unintentionally. Leaving him to sink deeper into his pain.
If I drown you won't save me
You'll just let me fall
If I fall you won't catch me
You're the one who tore my wings off
I just want you to see
But you will never see
How you killed me
Draco walked to halls of Hogwarts, searching for Nathanael. He knew it was his fault, he had said something he could never forgive himself for.
I'm sorry but I have to do this
I'm giving my last song to you
You were the one who made me realize what true friendship really is
In this case,
I love you with all of my heart, dear friend
And I wish you the best tomorrow
Please don't kill yourself tonight because of me
You may think you deserve it but really it's not your fault
You're my favourite person and I don't know how to say this...
Nathanael's vision went black with his last image of life being Draco sobbing over him and repeating 'I'm Sorry' over and over.
But I'm sorry
