Love letters to my non-existent boyfriend

#3

It's getting worse. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I love you but I don't think that you love me. If you leave me, I don't know how I'll be able to handle it.

You mean the world to me and I'm afraid my world is slipping through my fingertips. You are special and you seem to glow with life. You are the sun to my world and all of the rest. You make a room light up with just one smile. You make this world more tolerable for me. I can't lose you.... I'll do anything to keep you here, but there's no point if you love her more.

It kills me to let you go, but that may be the best option for us right now. Maybe later in life, we will meet again and it will be right but you may have to leave and walk through that door for it to become right.

Please don't leave me though, I need you to be here for when I'm curled into a ball on the floor sobbing my eyes out, or when I'm not talking to anyone because I'm so mad at the world, or when I say I can't do anything right to remind me of that one time.. or when I need someone to call at 3am to make my will to live alive again. I need you here for me when I can't be. I need you here to take care of me when no one else wants me alive or to beat up that jerks ass when he calls me a freak for not wanting to be like everyone else.

I need you here to hold me together and to tear down my walls when I try to build them up. I need you to make me understand that there's more to life that to just breathe and do what you're told.

You've shown me how to let go of everything I believe to have a little fun, you have shown me how to care for someone that cares for me just as much, you have shown me to love myself, even though I'll never be able to do it. You have shown me what it feels like to be loved and cared for truly.

Nothing that we've had was fake, unless you are just that good at faking relationships as you are faking to care about your studies. Don't ever change who you are. You are perfect. Especially for me. Even your friends think so and they don't exactly love me. It's not my fault though, he shouldn't have done that and you know it too.

Anyway, sleep well love, and text me when you wake up.