Love letters to my non-existent boyfriend

#2

You finally said something about what has happened but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted you to apologize for fucking up but you couldn't even manage that. Instead I got a crap excuse for you disappearing and now I'm even more worried about you. I mean, I'm used to worrying about you, but this is insane. You have to help me. I'm going crazy and it's all your fault.

My parents are making me want to kill myself more than I already do, and my sister isn't helping much with that either. Considering that she can't know. She doesn't know much about what I've been through, but she uses her attempts against me and to make me feel bad, but she doesn't know that I'm worse than she ever dreamed of. The voices are driving me nuts and the thoughts that are caused by the voices are even worse.

Nobody knows what I'm going through. My parents believe that I did it for attention, my sister doesn't know, everyone else thinks that I've stopped. I know that it sounds absolutely insane, but I think that what I'm doing is helping me with what I've had to go through.

Everyone thinks that I'm fine, I have to be the perfect child for my parents and they think that it's easy, it's not, I can promise you that it's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. I've never felt so much pressure. The right amount of pressure makes diamonds, too much pressure makes dust. I'm afraid that I'm already dust and nobody else can see it. I hope that you understand and know what I'm talking about.

I love you imaginary boy. Talk to you later.