Love letters to my non-existent boyfriend

#5

You got out of the hospital three nights after your attempt, the night my world almost ended. I wish I could've helped you. You mean so much to me and you'll never know that I love you so much.

I'm still deciding if I believe that you are 100% real or just my lonely mind making it more bearable. This is going to be extremely hard for me if I find out that you aren't real though. It would crush me.

I can't believe that my mind could be so cruel though. Like who makes their imaginary friend try to commit suicide. That is, if you aren't real. If you are real, I will be so happy that I didn't imagine this and that my feelings are real.

My mind is playing tricks on me. I can't tell what's real and what's not. I just imagined a plate of food right in front of me but I know that it wasn't real because food doesn't just appear like that, I wish it did but it, sadly, doesn't.

Anyway, off the topic of food, I still miss you. We are on winter break and this sucks because I only see you at school and without school, I can't see you. I only get to text you but you are too busy to text me that much.

It hurts that we can't talk as much but that's okay. I hope that we can keep each other sane until school starts back up, then we can be crazy together. I really want to see you, I've thought about sneaking out of the house but that wouldn't do much good because you live 20 minutes away and I don't know if I can walk that far without getting hypothermia, which would suck. I hate being so far from you and that we can't be together. I hate that we only have lunch and one class together and that we aren't trusted to be together by my parents, but of course they don't trust me, it's not like I'm a straight A student or anything.

I want us to work out but I don't know how much longer you will stay, the door seems to be tempting you. I also don't know how much more torture I can put myself through before I become dust. I'm a diamond but you like rubies more.

It hurts a lot and I'm trying to make it better by writing, but it just makes the memories come back in floods, they're making it hard to write.

I love you and I'll talk to you later. Bye.