Love letters to my non-existent boyfriend

#4

You tried to commit suicide last night. You ended up in the hospital and my mum won't let me visit you. They think that we are dating and are trying to get me to confess, but the problem is there's nothing to confess. We aren't dating and my sister turned it into a lecture that I didn't need because we aren't dating. Sure I would like to but I'm too afraid to ask you and I don't think that you like me that way.

I love you and you'll never know, but as long as you're happy I'll find a way to be okay. I'll choose your happiness over mine every time. You are such a bright light in this dark ass world. I will never even begin to comprehend why you did this but you did and it scares me because it makes me think about what could've happened if you had succeeded.

The light in my world would be gone and that scares me. I can't help but think that if my world was gone then I couldn't be here to see the light disappear. You texted me and told me that I was one of the only things keeping you alive right now, other than your friends,of course, but that made me smile so wide I'm surprised that my face hasn't frozen like this.

My family is back to ignoring me and acting like I was their worst mistake, which I probably am but it still hurts. I just try to keep writing and listening to music. They won't let you text in the hospital so I am writing to you and I might give it to you after you get out. I don't know how I'll handle seeing you after your attempt, but I need to try to be okay for you.

This is going to hurt worse than anything I've ever felt before but I'll do it for you. Good night and sleep well love.