Mama would always disagree when I claimed myself the mistake of the family.
But I could see through the lies that lay in her eyes.
Now, I'm not suicidal; far from that.
But I do wonder what it's like to be 'gone'.
How would they function? Differently?
The same?
Better?
I may never know, as my time isn't near.
But there most definitely is an afterlife.
Oh but of course.
Maybe I'll come back as a beautiful swan that will lay on the freshly cut lawn, soaking in the ambience of the warm glow seeping from the sun.
Maybe I'll come back as a small creature, one feared by many house holds and made to be exterminated; As if a mouse or bug.
But you see, I do enjoy bits of my very boring life. Just like every teenaged girl would do at this state of mind. It's not that I hate my life and wish death upon me, I've over come that, I am just aware.
Aware that I indeed have the bad genes out of all four offsprings from my mother and father.
Aware that I'm as if the ugly duckling.
Im not ugly though.
Neither am I beautiful. I'm just, me.
And right now, that's all I can be.
