A way to cope.
A way to silently blame yourself for what you have came to be.
Sitting alone at lunch, being quiet in class.
'you just have to talk more, you'll make friends'
Sure.
You see, I have never been good at making friends. Seeing as I'm very introverted.
It's truly fascinating to watch the kids at school socialize.
They're so happy and I'm so happy for them. No one deserves to feel sad.
But somehow, in this twisted world, the ones who wish sadness alone others are rewarded with merriment; and the ones who only wish people the best are brought down with being walked over, laughed at, called a whore. Slut. Quiet bitch who only cares about her damn self.
That's the thing though.
It feels as if I'm walking on the surface of happiness that I cannot baptize myself in.
As if the smiles I paint on are the smiles that are ruining my chance of anyone noticing the struggles. My struggles.
I feel as if I was placed in the wrong era. An era where being 'depressed' was the norm.
The norm, something that keeps me awake, wondering how to walk into the hell we call school. What to wear, how to smile, how to greet teachers into fooling them as if I'm the happy kid. Until one day, when it all becomes too much.
That's when the grades drop. When I lose all potential and will to do amazing.
.
.
(Not finishing this poem.)
