Johnlock Oneshots

merry dickmas

y'all knew this was coming.

it was ment to be a joke last christmas, then sherlock got john one for his birthday, then john got sherlock him one for his birthday. it was getting out of hand with the dildos and dick shaped things. for their anniversary, sherlock had found a baker that would make a penis shaped cake, surprising john with it. john shoved a handful of cake in sherlock's face then dumped the cake in the bin, taking the trash out. john got him back. he ordered all sorts of dicks on line and slowly started putting them around the flat. he replaced sherlock's favorite mug with one that had dicks drawn on it, and sherlock had it with him. he knew exactly how he was going to get john back.

john dropped the tesco bag, staring at what was their christmas tree when he left. "what the hell is that?" he asked sherlock.

sherlock smiled. "like it?"

"no!" john shouted at him. "do i even want to know where you got this?" he asked.

"funny you ask, i've been working on it since you replaced all the lamps with penis shaped ones. isn't it beautiful?" he asked and looked at his work.

"no! it's a bloody christmas tree, made of dicks!"

sherlock laughed at him. "you started this war and now i'm finishing it."

john sighed and rubbed his face. "i want that out of here."

"but it's our christmas tree."

"that is not a christmas tree."

"but it's even festive!" sherlock exclaimed and stood next to the tree. "it's got red and green, and i put some lights around it."

"even our presents are wrapped n dick wraping paper!"

sherlock smirked, sarified with his work.

"how'd you even do all this in the thirty minites i was gone?"

"i just switched everything." sherlock said. "but those actually are your presents from me."

"i swear if it has something to do with dicks, i'm shoving it down your throat."

"you already do any ways," sherlock smirked.

"and this time it won't be pleasent." john said and picked the tesco bag up.

"is that a threat?"

"yep." john said and went to the kitchen.

"i'll take it." sherlock said and went to the bedroom.

john smirked and followed him, closing the door behind him.