he was nothing. (Eddsworld)

Five.

Tom had finished his shower and gauzes up his self-inflicted wounds. No one had bothered him on the way back to his room. No one bothered him as he drank a bottle of Smirnoff. No one bothered him as he stumbled his way over to the kitchen to grab another bottle. No one bothered him on the way back.

After the second bottle, his arms and sides stopped hurting. He was staring at the ceiling, forgetting about the world. The thought of pain flies out of his head. Edd flies out of his head. Matt is gone. Tord is gone. His parents fade away. London is dust. His room shimmers away. His body is nothing. His mind implodes. All there is is the ceiling.

Knock knock interrupts his nothingness. The door opens and light shines at his face. He covers his eye sockets and sits up groaning.

"Edd was wondering if you wanted to come with us to the store. And if you were okay?" Matt asks in his usual cheery tone. A rush of annoyance comes to him. He's not feeling happy. He doesn't want Matt's up beat energy to invade his sorrow.

Doesn't he want to be happy? Attention whore echoes in his mind. Doesn't he want to have fun? Doesn't he want to live?

Hah, no.

"No, I don't, and I'm fine." Tom replied, sitting up and squeezing his eyes shut. He opens them, black fuzz etched his vision; he sat up too fast. The blotches take over his sight and he momentarily forgets where he is. He is nothing again. Then he's Tom again.

Matt nods, "Okay!"

Tom's inner self begs for Matt to come back and ask what is really wrong. But no, attention whore, Matt didn't ask.

Tom tries to loose himself, staring off at the ceiling. You know when you forget to save a game after you just defeated the final boss? That feeling of exasperation? Tom is feeling that right now. He doesn't want to do it again. It's not as satisfying the second time. It just isn't the same.

Eventually, he forgets about his life and is nothing again. It's simple when he's nothing. He is just one word, nothing. When he isn't, he's an eyeless, alcoholic, useless, selfish- the list goes on.

Tom had fallen asleep before he knew it. There he dreamt he was in the backseat of a car, and Tord was driving. He was driving up a steep, rocky path. The car hit a bump and tumbled down the mountain. They were falling towards water. Down, down... down. A few metres away, he awoke with a jolt.

For some reason, that dream seemed important. He grabbed his phone and looked up some meanings. He started by typing: Steep, rocky paths in dreams. He clicked on the first option. After some digging, he found an answer. It read, Climbing a mountain road: Hiking in the wilderness and climbing higher using a mountain road in your dream is a sign you are about to experience some unanticipated or unavoidable negative situations that will become stumbling blocks for you when achieving your goals or plans. That answer seemed appropriate.

Next he searched: Dreams about car crashes. He found: Another dream interpretation suggests car accident dreams point to an ongoing conflict with others. It could be that you've been avoiding a confrontation that you can safely have in your dreams.

Another thing stated: When your wreck involves water or you dream about a submerged car, it's possible an emotional issue burdens you. In dreams, water is said to represent feelings, so to crash into a river or lake might mean you've been taken off course by an emotional issue.

Riding on the passenger side could mean you're taking a passive role in life, and if you're in the backseat, you might be lacking the self-esteem to make decisions for yourself at the moment. Whoever is in the driver's seat could be the person who's currently calling the shots for you, such as a micromanaging boss. Or the driver could indicate the area of your life that needs your attention.

Then he searched: Dreams about falling. The first option said: Falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life. This may reflect the way you feel in your relationship or in your work environment.

Everything seemed appropriate for his current situation. None of this information helped, though. None of it told him how to make it better; it just told him how things currently were for him.

Nothing helps.