he was nothing. (Eddsworld)

Ten.

Tom thought. If he jumped off of a building, someone would see him. They'd be scarred for life. He'd ruin someone's life. He can't die that way.

He couldn't get hit by a car. He's run the risk of living through that experience. He'd also ruin someone's day, as they would have to run him over. They be scarred. Hell, they might even go to prison, being framed for Tom's suicide.

He could drown himself. No one would see him, no one be there, as long as he does it when no one's watching. But someone would have to find his body in the water. He'd scar someone for life. He can't drown himself.

Any way he dies he'll ruin someone's day, someone's life! Yet he's ruining lives just by living. Hypocrite. Tom doesn't know if he's using that word correctly but he doesn't care.

Tom decided its best to do it in his room, with the lights off. He'll post his note on the door, telling them not to go in. To get the police or someone else to go in first. A thought of Tord going in first crosses his mind. Tord seeing Tom's corpse on the ground, lifeless. Don't be rude. Since when did Tom even care about Tord? He guesses that Tord manipulated him to think that way.

Later that day, Tom goes to the pharmacy. He buys sleeping pills with nearly the rest of his money. He's surprised they sell them without prescription, but he doesn't care at the moment.

Then he travels to the liquor store and buys bottles of alcohol. One last hurrah, he though.

He takes the pills and alcohol into his room. Edd informs Tom that they are going to Asdf land. They meaning: not Tom. Tom stops Edd right as they are leaving. He swallows the lump in his throat and clamps his nails into his hands.

"Bye Edd. You're a great friend. I'm sorry I'm a mess." Tom sighs.

"It's okay, Tom. You can still come if you'd like." Edd smiles empathetically.

"No, I'm fine." Tom is not. He's not fine. But Edd doesn't know that and Edd is fine. Thus, Tom will say he is fine.

"Matt, you too. Sorry I scared you."

"Thanks Tim." Matt grins triumphantly, happy to have any form of compliment. Tom forgets about correcting Matt, his only thoughts being don't cry and this is the last time I'm going to see these people, also the voice, calling him names.

"And Tord... The only words to sum all my feelings up for you are: fuck you."

Tord laughs, "Same to you, Tom."

Edd really thinks Tom is turning a corner in life. He thinks that he's apologizing for being bad so far, but he'll change. Edd thinks of coming home to a clean house, the stench of alcohol nowhere near.

Matt is simply happy to be complemented by Tom. Tom of all people! Maybe he's sorry for scaring him and he's trying to make up for it. How sweet of him!

Tord doesn't think much of this encounter. Tom is just acting this way to show to Edd that he isn't a much of a fuck up. That he is sorry. Tord is laughing in his head, Tom really thinks that he can make everything better just by an apology?

The door closes. Tom is alone. He sighs and makes his way towards his room. He gets out a sheet of lined paper and a black pen; colour doesn't seem appropriate on his suicide note. The tears slide down his face, blurring his vision before he gets one word out. He wipes his eyes yet more fill their spot. It was as if the world was telling him not to do this. The world should have stopped him from becoming suicidal in the first place.

Dear anyone who cared,

I'm sorry. Sorry for being such a fuck up. Sorry for ruining your lives. Sorry for making you go through this. Sorry for making you meet me in the first place.
Edd, none of this is really your fault. You cared for me and I thank you. Thank you so much. I'm sorry for making you so sad with my death.

A thought hit Tom. What if Edd didn't care that Tom was dead? Maybe Edd was more disappointed that he had to clean the stench of corpse and alcohol out of his room. Then he'd rejoice that Tom wasn't here.

Or maybe you aren't sad, I wouldn't know, I'm not a mind reader. I wish I could write a thousand sorrys but I don't have enough paper. Goodbye, Edd. I wish I could have been stronger.
Matt, I know you probably won't understand and will forget about me in a while but I'm sorry to you. None of this was your fault. I'm sorry you had to deal with me in the first place. Bye.
Tord, most of this was your fault. You took away nearly everything I loved. Remember when you heard me in the bathroom? Calling myself names? I was cutting. Thanks for giving me more ammunition. I bet you won't miss me so much. I won't miss you. But I will miss the old you. The little you. Back when we were kids you never hit me. The only mean thing you did was ask about my eyes, then you were so sorry that you hurt my feelings. I miss that you.

Tom reminisced about Tord's younger days. They were friends. Then high school came about. Tord climbed the food chain while Tom sulked at the bottom. He wishes that he clung onto Tord through the winds of "freak," the storms of "worthless" and the hurricanes of "kill yourself."

Goodbye, Tord.
I suggest not coming in my room, unless you want to see my corpse. Just call the police or someone first. I don't want to scar you more.
I wish I wasn't so weak. I wish I could live longer but I've been weakening and I don't want to make others help me. I'm not worth it. I don't want to waste someone's time.
I'm running out of space. I wish I could write more but I don't know how long it'd take for me to die or how long you'll be at Asdf land. I'm sorry. Goodbye.
I'm really sorry.

Tom ripped off a piece of tape. He walked out his door and put up his suicide note. "I'm sorry." He whispered. He sloshed back into his room. He looked at the bottle of sleeping pills.

His phone buzzed, it was just a notification, telling him that he doesn't have enough storage for a backup. He thought of calling the suicide hotline. Maybe they could save him. He didn't want to be saved. He just wanted to get it over with. He just wanted to be done with it all.

He unscrewed the cap and poured the pills into his hand. He stared at the sleeping pills in his hand. He sighed and shoved all of them in his mouth. A flash of regret filled him. Only a flash. But no, he deserved this. Then he went to the alcohol. Drinking the burning liquid until he saw stars. He collapsed onto his bed and sobbed like there was no tomorrow because there was no tomorrow for him.

His life flashed before his eyes as he fell into slumber. His parents. Meeting little Edd, Matt, and Tord. When the bear shot his dad. All of the names he was called by the other kids, freak being the most prevalent one. How he dwindled in society, becoming nothing. When he grew addicted to alcohol. When Edd asked him to live with him. His and Tord's first real fight. How his depression grew and grew and swallowed him whole.

He fell asleep painlessly. His slumber was sweet, he didn't dream. He didn't know when his heart rate began to become unstable. He didn't know he was taking his last breath. He only noticed when his broken yet beautiful soul left his broken yet beautiful body.

And just like that,

he was nothing.