You give me Hope. (Kellin Quinn fic)

-Chapter One-

My hands rest sorely on either side of the sink, I take a slow, heavy, deep breath in and then slowly exhale. Hands shaky, mind racing. I was afraid to look up and see the hideous, ugly beast staring back at me. I settle for staring down, looking at the boats in my torn up, faded black Vans. I was in need of some new ones.

I hated my reflection, it haunted me and gave me nightmares. I hated my hair, my hand-me-down clothes, my old shoes, my face... everything. I hated school and everyone here. I dont think there is or ever will be one person I have the slightest interest in out of this entire school. Not like anyone would be interested in me anyways. Then again, why waste my time thinking about what others think about me anyways, if I am happy the way I am, why change to make other people happy?

my hood was on forcing my ratted blue and black "scene" hair to caress my face and make my face hot, my glasses slipped every two seconds forcing me to push them back onto my face, I wish I could get contacts, but my mom says they are "too expensive", she won't even take me in for a new prescription for my glasses.

I begin to whisper to myself the lyrics of a Peirce the Veil song that I was listening to: "Caraphernelia". Without a doubt, music  honestly is my entire life, it keeps me occupied from my thoughts, that and art, without them I would be down in a black hole of deep depression surrounded by thoughts of suicide.... I mean worse than  already am.. 

Two girls walk in, I turn my head slightly without actually taking my hands off the sink, those girls were perfect, well, my definition of perfect, long dark hair, clear face, long legs, cute shoes, cute outfits.

They turned and whispered to each other, I couldnt understand everything they were saying, but I could make put a few words. I knew they were talking about me.

"... is she okay?..."

"...what's wrong with her?"

"....is she emo?"

they muttered back and forth

my sleeves were roled up slightly revealing my several fresh cuts I had made last night.

ignorant preps, I don't label myself and people who self harm aren't all considered Emo. Emo is a style, that's not even what my style is considered anyways.

I say my style is my favorite and i wouldnt change for anyone, but deep inside me theres an overwhelming urge to be like them, but my hair won't grow, maybe due to the fact I have a new color every week. Nothing works on my face for my embarrassing acne. My sisters style is similar to mine and I get all her clothes.

I let out a big sigh as they each go into two different stalls next to each others, gossiping about cute boys they saw in gym class today.

I wasn't looking for a relationship in high school, I need to focus on schoolwork. (I use that as an excuse when my popular friends ask why I don't have a boyfriend) my "friends" are only friends with me because they saw me alone all the time and i've known them for literally years, their moms were in the same organization for children's soccer and now they constantly hang out and go to knitting circles or Bible study, etc. and sometimes the girls come over with them and we are forced to hang out when all I want to do is sit in my room and listen to music and draw for hours.

 

The two girls eventually exit the stalls laughing, suddenly i feel a hand on my shoulder but didnt move, the girl looked around to see my face. I lowered my chin so she couldn't see emy ugly acne infested face.

"Are you alright?"

why did she care.

"she removes her hand and begins laughing with her friend as they walk out together, arms linked. I groaned as the bell rang meaning lunch had ended. My next class was History.

I walk out with my head hanging low as I slam into what felt like a wall on my face, I fall to the floor, a girls papers fly all over the place

"Watch were you're going IDIOT"

I look up to see the girl who has bullied me all through high school standing like a mountain in front of me, anger in her eyes as her mouth slowly turns into a smile I haven't seen her since she went on independent study only two months ago.

I was utterly terrified of her.

"s...sorry." I mutter as I stand up

she laughs

"Hey asslicker"

her fist rams straight into my shoulder then she bends down to pick up her scattered papers.

"Uhm... hi" I was shaking like a chihuaua in winter.

people were staring at me and laughing, it was normal for me but not to this extent, did I have something on my face, on my ass? was it due to this confrontation?

but even she was laughing

"how are you slut"

her words peirced through my chest

she pushed me slightly and gets in my face

I wanted her to leave me alone. where is security? oh that's right too busy dealing with the fight that occurred two periods ago.

"How've you been?" she asks

I shrug my shoulders and attempt to walk away

she stops me

"are you gonna apologize?"

her face was inches from mine

I stand there staring into her eyes filled with anger and mine filled with fear.

"apologize asslicker"

her hand grasps my shirt as she pulls me closer

I open my mouth to speak but my throat was closed and the lump in it was getting larger and larger.

she knocks me flat on my back and I feel pain shooting up my spine. I am now lying on my side and am met by a foot continuously jabbing into my sternum. I'm out of breath, I can't regain my vision.

People were yelling

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

It wasn't considered a fight if I'm not hitting her back right?

I was crying and no one was helping. I even saw my "friends" in the crowd cheering her on.

people began to scatter as she continuously kicked my chest and stomach. People taking her away, her arms flailing as she yelled something in my direction. She over exaggerated and took things too far.

I spit out blood and start to slowly slide into unconsciousness. 

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