You give me Hope. (Kellin Quinn fic)

-Chapter Sixteen-

I've decided just to post this one last chapter.
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Three weeks have passed, which is only around a fourth of my punishment.

Nothing had seemed to go my way and i can't seem to fathom what i would like to do with my life..

did i really want to run away... with someone im not even sure I'm going to marry the future now that the thought has occurred to me.

Was this all really worth the trouble..?

is living even a possibility...?

i couldn't kill myself, I couldn't find myself the courage to go forward with it.

that was the last thing on my mind anyway

it is something I didn't have the strength to do, it would hurt my grandma.. and Kellin.

I've already cried for how idiotic Ive been, disrespecting my grandma,  i cant cry any more... how could i even think to do something so childish and immature as running away...

I feel so utterly stupid and I just need to be non existent. .. I wish I was never born.. or just born a duck or rabbit or something.. have an easy life filled with happiness and serenity. No worries or troubles.

I wish I could just erase all that I've done and go back to my childhood, when I was most happy. With both of my parents, sitting at the dinner table, laughing and us joking around with each other. I missed those days... before he really started drinking heavily...  but now I'm starting to wonder if it was just all an act...

My grandma has noticed I haven't been eating as much as I used to. and she tells me that she will send me to the hospital if I don't start eating, but its not my fault that I'm never hungry... I mean I try to tell myself I'm not.

She does'nt understand my life has been sucked into a dark void of depression and nothing or no one can do or say anything to cheer me up or make me forget about what my life has come to. Not even Kellin. that is how depression works...  not even the person you love the most and who makes you the most happy could fill that empty void, I love to think and believe that will happen someday. that's all I have right now, an endless abundance of what if's and a speck of hope in there somewhere.

My mom isn't here to cheer me up and my dad isn't using his stupid drunkeness to distract me from the idiots at my school. But my mother is in a better place with the rest of the angels like herself and my dad is down below where he belongs.

days have been long and grades have been dropping, absenses sky rocketing and too many detentions to count on my hands. I didn't care about school or my future anymore and I just wanted to die. I might as well before my grandma kills me for having straight F's. They are so far gone there's no point in fighting to get them up.

I hold my report card in my shaking hand, tears welting in my eyes and I'm trying my hardest to not let them fall, not let anyone see me cry, they would say something rude or simply nothing at all...

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My feet hang off the ledge that me and Kellin would sit and hang out after school, as I contemplate ending this life that's filled with depression and exestential crisises. My body shakes and my mind is running a million miles an hour. I stare down into the thirty foot fall to permanent happiness. (in my eyes) my hands push up and I place my feet along the cliffs edge ready to jump, I close my eyes and lift off my arms open and my mind clear.

I feel a force grab me and pull my back by my waist, loud breathing in my ear and I start bawling my eyes out. Strong arms hold me tight in a warm embrace and I couldn't control my breathing. Who saved me?

The one holding me spinned me around, I looked up with my tear filled eyes to see

Kellin.

i knew it....

I immediately jump up and wrap my legs around his waist and hug him the tightest I could. not wanting to let him go. I realized he does bring me out of that deep void of depression and darkness, maybe he is my future.

He is my light. my way out of darkness. my love, my life, my heart, my hope.

"h-hope.." he says with a shaky tongue.

I couldn't even speak. I tried to open my mouth to speak between sobs but I couldn't manage to get a single word out.

"B-baby its okay. I-I am here now. there's no need to worry." he made me feel safe and secure. Being in his strong arms. Even though they were shaking frantically along with myself.

I finally managed to speak after I has calmed down. standing at the edge of the cliff I almost jumped off of, with the love of my life holding me in his arms. "I love you..." I said in between sniffles.

"Baby... im glad I'm just in time... if you would have jumped I would've jumped right down with you." his head nussled against my neck and his words muffled as he spoke "I just couldn't live without you" I could hear quiet whimpers and realized he was crying. I've never seen him cry before...

"Kellin, I'm glad you found me in those halls, I'm glad you stopped to pick up my papers, I'm glad you chose me..."

he grabbed my hand kissing the back.of it and spinning me around

"I'm glad I chose you, princess"

"You've changed me as a person, in a good way..." I laughed "You've made me better, you have given me hope."

his lips were soft and tasted of strawberries, his scent was intoxicating and lovely, his warmth was all I needed for the rest of my life.

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