What Can I Do

Chapter 18 ~Heartache is horrible, I would know

Dowoon knocked softly on the closed bedroom door.

There was no replying voice from the inside, but he figured it would be safe to go in. In the few weeks that Dowoon had been staying (–not living, dammit, he was going to leave, he swears!) at Wonpil's house, the other had never denied him entry into his room.

Over the course of time Dowoon had slowly began to warm up to the other boy. It was impossible not to like Wonpil's silly and innocent, but lovable manner. He approached and conversed with Dowoon even when he tried to escape to his own room. Dowoon was unused to this type of treatment but slowly got use to it and even began to enjoy having Wonpil actively seek him out, even if it was just to tell him something stupid that happened throughout the day.

Wonpil loved having someone to talk to at all hours of the day, especially ever since Sungjin had been spending less and less time with him. Dowoon never said a word, even when Wonpil would ramble for hours without stopping. Wonpil appreciated that Dowoon never looked uninterested and was always listening attentively and nodding along even if he did not reply.

Wonpil had also begun recently tutoring Dowoon in almost all his subjects, the boys grades being less than exemplary. Dowoon had tried to tell Wonpil he did not need his help –especially after all the boy had already done for him, but Wonpil would not take no for an answer.

Dowoon could never admit it but Wonpil was actually incredibly smart and an amazing teacher, helping Dowoon absorb the information more quickly than any of his teachers could. Dowoon was actually very intelligent himself, if he bothered to show up and stay away for any of his classes. Dowoon's grades had increased and shot up so dramatically in the course of a few weeks that his teachers all suspected him of cheating.

Dowoon would also never admit this, but he was secretly very proud of himself, and his future did not look so grey with his grades looking up like this. He wondered if his mom would be proud of him now, and privately hoped she would.

Wonpil never tried to talk about sensitive topics like why Dowoon had run away from home, and likewise, Dowoon never brought up Sungjin or looked at Wonpil weird when he unknowingly began to talk about the other boy before trailing off awkwardly. Wonpil did not know where he stood with Sungjin and speaking about him made him uncomfortable and awkward. Dowoon felt an unexplainable surge of anger whenever he thought about the other boy.

Dowoon had not seen Wonpil and Sungjin together since before Wonpil found him on the rooftop. It seemed as if the two had slowly drifted apart and Dowoon did not want to even try to credit the entire process on himself. Wonpil was spending more time with him, helping him get settled but Dowoon was a fool if he believed Wonpil could not make time for his best friend.

However, Sungjin did not attempt to talk to the other boy at school, leaving him to sit alone at their tables, always conversing with Haru elsewhere. It always made Dowoon irrationally angry, because weren't they supposed to be best friends? His heart hurt looking at Wonpil's crestfallen expression whenever Sungjin would ignore him in favor of Haru. Dowoon made it his mission to get that expression off his face.

(Even if it meant sitting in Sungjin's seat at the front of the class, when Dowoon usually sat in the very back corner. Although his ears burned and he could not meet Wonpil's eyes, the dejected look was always gone from his face so Dowoon counted it as a win.)

Dowoon had been staying after school for a discussion with his teachers about what he would like to pursue after high school when he saw the other boy standing at the front doors by himself. It was a tough conversation (especially when he wouldn't speak and only responded with half shrugs and nods of his head) that ran longer than expected and he was especially surprised to find someone still at the school, so late after the last bell had rang. He was even more surprised to find out it was Wonpil.

When he took a look closer, he finally realized the other boy was silently crying, eyes heavy and pouring like the rain pounding on his clothes.

Wonpil had been getting soaked and Dowoon was concerned about whether the boy would catch a cold. Dowoon could not leave him like that. He slowly approached Wonpil, who barely noticed, too occupied in his sorrow. He opened the umbrella in his hand and held it over the boy. His heart broke just a little, staring at the boy breaking in front of him.

He was unaware how long they stood there before Wonpil turned and buried his head into Dowoon's chest. The rain water and tears both soaked into Dowoon's shirt but he was uncaring as he let Wonpil bawl into his shirt. The boy stood crying for a long while before looking up to sniffle at Dowoon.

"Let's go home." He had said, and Dowoon had gladly taken him home.

Dowoon had not pried about the issue. Wonpil would tell him when he was ready or maybe he wouldn't, but that didn't mean Dowoon wasn't concerned or worried about Wonpil.

Dowoon was hurting for the boy who had looked despondent ever since they had come home. He didn't know what to do. He was barely good at controlling his own heart-ache and didn't know how to help someone else's. But he wanted to try, for Wonpil. Wonpil deserved to be happy.

Dowoon pushed open the door to Wonpil's room and saw the boy sitting beneath his covers, staring at his phone.

"Hey." Wonpil smiled weakly at Dowoon.

Dowoon moved to sit beside him on the bed, looking into his eyes.

This was one of the many times he wished he wasn't a coward, and had the right words to say to comfort Wonpil in any way he could.

Why are you hurting?

How can I help?

But he couldn't say anything, so he settled for reaching for Wonpil's hand. This was the first time Dowoon had initiated contact and Wonpil stared at him in surprise.

After a while his eyes softened and he breathed out softly, "Dowoon."

The other boy looked up at the call of his name and question Wonpil with his eyes.

"I love someone." Eyes looking pained, his hand unconsciously squeezing Dowoon's tighter.

Dowoon's heart raced and dropped at the exact same time.

"They don't love me back." He whispered.

Wonpil's eyes filled with tears again and Dowoon pulled the boy into his chest, letting him cry there for the second time that day. Wonpil sobbed and Dowoon wondered whether they would just be in a constant cycle of trying to comfort each other.

"He said something came up. That he had to walk Haru home." Wonpil said in between breaths.

Dowoon could already infer from those short sentences that Sungjin had ditched him once again for Haru. Of course he loved Sungjin. The two had been best friends for a long time; of course it was natural for Wonpil to develop feelings for Sungjin.

Dowoon rubbed the others back, trying to comfort him in any way he could. Heart ache was horrible and he would know.

~~