What Can I Do

Chapter 22 ~I try to look away, but my eyes betray me every time

Dowoon lies with his head in Wonpil's lap, the mindless music show playing on the television only background static to Dowoon.

His eyes flick over and land on Wonpil, who is busy staring off into space. He doesn't know how he didn't notice before, but Wonpil was truly beautiful. His long lashes framed his doe-like eyes and the little crinkles that swelled when he smiled, big and gummy, made Dowoon's breathing stop and his heart race for no reason.

Not that he had never noticed before, but he never gave much thought to it. Months earlier he never would have believed he would be close enough to Wonpil for him to even notice him. Dowoon was the weird mute kid, and Wonpil always had Sungjin. However, Dowoon hadn't seen them together for quite a while now. Dowoon reprimanded himself for being even slightly glad they no longer seemed to talk to each other.

Seeing how Wonpil broke down the other day because of Sungjin made his heart hurt and become irrationally angry. He never wanted to see Wonpil that broken ever again.

Dowoon's mind began to drift to what would happen in the future. With each day, his resolve to leave Wonpil's care began weakening. He had made himself too comfortable here. Wonpil's parents were so kind to him, his heart ached when it reminded him of his mom. He knew he was overstaying his welcome, but he couldn't bring himself to leave.

Not when Wonpil was only a few feet away every day, and the house with his father in it (it was no longer his home) almost made him slip into an anxiety attack just thinking about it. There was a stash of money he had been saving since his mom's death, hidden back at his old house, but he knew he couldn't go back there to retrieve it. Not while his dad was still living there. 

But he could not keep leeching off Wonpil's kindness, and the longer he spent around the boy, the more his emotions went into haywire. He had a suspicion about why he was feeling this way towards Wonpil, but he didn't want to scare the boy away with his feelings, especially when he knew Wonpil loved Sungjin.

It was painfully obvious from the way he put Sungjin before himself and his pained face when Sungjin would talk about Haru.

He was suddenly ripped out of his thoughts when Wonpil looked down, directly into Dowoon's eyes, who had not looked away from Wonpil the entire time he was thinking. Dowoon's face heated at being caught staring but Wonpil just smiled lightly at him.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Wonpil questioned.

Dowoon shrugged, embarrassed. He tried to sit up, but Wonpil pulled him back down into his lap.

"Stay like this for a while." Wonpil sighed, tiredly.

Dowoon sank back down, staring at Wonpil in concern. Lately Wonpil had been looking more resigned and sad. He had not talked to Dowoon about it but he knew something happened, and it probably had to do with Sungjin, if Wonpil was this upset about it.

Dowoon tapped Wonpil's shoulder, trying to convey his concern through his eyes.

Wonpil smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm fine, Dowoon-ah. Just tired."

Dowoon nodded, but didn't look convinced. He wondered when Wonpil would stop hurting, and why he really wanted to be the reason he did.

~~

The next morning, Jae was lounging in his unofficial, official seat in study period when he saw Brian come in to the classroom.

He furrowed his brows, unconsciously. Brian barely ever bothered to show up to any class these days, much less study period, not that Jae noticed or anything (he was keeping watch).