I'm Still Me || Zaniam

09. Clarity

Peter 4:8, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."

January 8th, 2019 // 10:07am

Liam didn't want to wake up. With the way he had felt, the plenty of thoughts swarming in his head and the verses he had been receiving from Josh; it was all screwing with his mind, and he didn't know what to do, or even think for that matter. It was difficult.

With every little thing that had been going on his mind, Liam was also going through his computer, gathering what he could on what benefited him in being with a transgender person. Even if some articles included more of the intimate benefits, Liam didn't mind it.

He needed to know everything before deciding if he wanted to be with Niall in any way, shape or form, because he didn't want to jump back into the friendship knowing nothing.

Liam was leaning more towards being with Niall, though. To be by his side through everything like before, and to show Niall that he had meant so much to him. Things wouldn't be fully clear for a while, that's for sure, but Liam would make the best of it.

The boy did get out of bed though, rubbing his eyes as he made his way into the connected bathroom, a sigh ghosting past his slightly plump and parted lips. He always felt more exhausted than when he would sleep in the night before, and it continuously confused him when he would awaken.

It became an easy routine for him when waking up. Using the toilet, washing his hands, brushing his teeth, taking a quick shower then finding some lazy clothes to put on for the day before stripping to his boxers.

Nothing seemed to be easier for him but that, and it made those thirty or so minutes feel like heaven, the only time to be alive and well. It was a little odd to feel that way when he knew that he would eventually leave and be happy, but being alone was very trivial.

His parents did come into his room now and again to give him food and water, to have small conversations to get his mind flowing in a more orderly fashion, but it wasn't the same as speaking with his close friends.

Niall was the one of the few people who he could talk to, without a problem, before the incident, and Liam missed that dearly. He missed the small chats, the things they would share and especially the memories that would forever be etched into their minds.

As Liam had thought more positively about the brunette throughout the days, he grew more caring and respectful for him and his intentions on transitioning. Being someone your not is horrible, so changing that would only bring clarity and a good future.

That's how Liam saw it after thinking about the positives and negatives with Niall's decisions and actions on his body. Of course, it was dangerous and scary to do such things, but it was important to some people-it was important to Niall in every way.

Liam just couldn't see himself doing such things to himself; changing the way he looked with surgery, and the other complications that involved transitioning. But he had gathered respect for Niall, realizing that it was more important to him than anything else to get that surgery and be who he wanted to be as a person on earth.

He didn't want to be a female; Niall wanted to be a boy and that's who he felt like, and even who he was in Liam's eyes. Although he hasn't seen the boy in a while, the Christian knew that nothing would be too different after all of the surgeries that he went through.

Niall was going to turn out the way that he wanted, a boy and just a boy without any of the parts that would make him up a girl. He was surely strong and courageous enough to go through those operations, and that was clear in Liam's obscene thoughts.