Childish

Chapter 8

Joey POV
It's been two hours since I got the news about Meghan, it's really sad to think about it, I didn't even know she was sad, cutting, depressed. If I knew I would try to help her through it. I left school early because I couldn't stand to be at school in this state.

Tomorrow we have to play our songs in front of everyone, I've only wrote a few lines.  This is going to be good!
"Joey, you ok?" My mum calls from down stairs
I don't reply, what's the point. I walk into my bathroom and lock the door behind me. I look my disgusting face in the mirror and think, who am I?
I'm just some worthless kid trying to fit In
I'm just some loser who doesn't talk
I'm just the gay kid with no friends
I'm the disappointment
I'm the waste of space
I'm the mistake
I open the cabinet and take out a blade
I press it onto my skin sliding it across leaving a bloody Mark
One for being gay
Two for being a disappointment
Three for no being there for Meghan
Four for trying to be someone I'm not
Five for being fake to everyone
Six fo-

I was about to add another cut when my mum try's to open the bathroom door, I'm in a state of panic, what if she finds out about me cutting, what if she makes me take therapy lessons. What if she try's to disown me, quick think, think
"I'm using the bathroom" I say sweating
"Sorry"
She walks away and my breathing goes back to normal, I throw the blade in the bin and look at the 5 fresh cuts, I wish there was more, but I can't get caught.
I wash of the fresh blood and dry blood and wrap my wrist with a bandage. I walk into my room and lye down on my bed and cry, I can't believe Meghan's gone
I get a notification on my phone and look at it
Misterpreda tagged you in one of his posts          
I open my phone and click on Instagram, it's a video of me breaking down in the hall, after I heard the news about Meghan. I look at the caption and it breaks my heart
Boys don't cry 🖕🏻
I click on comments and say
Daniel you don't even know why I'm crying, do u want to know why. Because I was just told my bestfriend my only friend died because she was suicidal. Fuck you

I turn off my phone and throw it across my room, my life can't get worse now, I think about tomorrow and how I need to write a song... I'll write it about Meghan

There's is a girl in the front of my class
Who I swear I haven't seen do anything but laugh
She's tall and she's smart, beautiful and strong
And when someone's down she tries to fix what is wrong
How can someone so perfect, feel so insecure?
As to scar her own skin with cuts and burns, and still want to hurt more
How does someone so loving, learn to hate there own guts
Drawing a picture on her arm with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough    

I drop my pencil when Alex barges through my door
"Daniel posted a video of you crying!" He screams
"I know, way to rub it in"
"Oh. Sorry"
He walks back out and I bang my head down on my desk, I'll never be free, will I?