three step plan - fillie

6. what he was used for

finn

*this is before millie and finn met at the mall:

"dude, loosen up," gaten whispered in my ear. i let out the breath i was holding, my cheeks deflating. "i am loosened up."

"theyre hitting a month today cut them some slack."

i glared at gaten. "you try being in my position. and im not even doing anything wrong! i dont even guilt them into anything," i muttered defensively.

"yeah, but theres always this unspoken aura between y'all." gaten spoke, pursing his lips together. "ooh, theres the couple!"

romeo exits the car, jogging to iris's side and opening the car door for her. iris blushes as she laces her fingers with romeo. "thanks for letting me borrow your audi, bro," romeo said blithely as he grinned. i nodded, trying to make the atmosphere somehow cheerful although utterly failing.

"we're honored that you chose to spend your monthsary with us!" gaten said as he winked.

"the only reason they did was because romeo needed my car," i spoke. it was a joke, obviously. but how it came out of my mouth didnt sound like so, and the reaction on all of their places told me that they didnt take it as a joke either. there was this bitterness evident in my voice.

gaten cleared his throat, tugging his lips into a forced smile. "okay, what does the couple want to do today?"

"iris and i wanted to eat at this new restaurant in the mall," romeo said carefully. he was still on an edge. "that is, if you want to eat with us. after that, we're planning to spend the day alone together if thats fine," he added.

'that is, if you want to eat with us' caught me. it was obviously meant for me.

"sure!" gaten said enthused. he was trying to lighten the atmosphere like always.

"i'll just park my car." i said apathetically. fuckers. they simply left it in front of the mall.

romeo muttered an apology sheepishly and iris had her head hung down.

;

the restuarant happened to be chinese. we sat down a booth, gaten and i sat together, opposite romeo and iris.

after ordering, an awkward silence lingered around the air drastically. gaten opened his mouth to once again erase the awkwardness, "so where ya going afterwards?"

iris and romeo shared a knowing look before iris answered, "amusement park, actually." she giggled girlishly before leaning into romeos chest, making me clench my jaw.

i tried to look out the window, trying to find something else to shift my attention onto. the buzz of their conversation still grasped my hearing.

before iris was in the picture, before i even liked her, gaten, romeo and i had a book of restaurants. it was a 100 restaurant book that dictated the best places to eat in vancouver. we made a pact to fulfill the list.

gaten, romeo and i have been best friends for as long as i remember. we've always been inseperable.

last year, i met iris apatow in the park. her dog peed on my shoe, my newly bought pair of shoes ruined. the moment i layed my eyes on her, i was in a trance with her beauty. not long after that, we started dating but never really putting a label on it. iris said she wasnt keen on commitments. whenever i would bring up the topic of us naming the thing we shared with one another, she shut me down.

funny. not keen on relationships but she easily gave into romeo.

she used me.

anger bubbled inside me, making my ears pound loudly. i felt my tongue press against my gums.

"finn!" gaten snapped, waving his arm around me. "youre zoning out, dude."

i removed his arm around me, frowning. "bro," gaten whispered.

"shut up, gaten!" i said angrily, standing up. a few customers started looking our way. "finn," romeo said submissively.

"im always the one being pointed out to cut you guys some 'slack' even when - "

"finn, cut this out," iris said with gritted teeth. "people are looking!"

i threw my arms in the air dramatically. "guess what - i dont care!"

"im the one being told to give you guys an easy time when im always the one being pressed to witness the girl i liked, maybe still even like up to now, and one of my best friends act all lovey together!" i burst. warm tears were erupting from my eyes, strolling down my cheeks. "you used me," i said softly, pointing my finger in iris's face. "and you betrayed me," i said, turning on romeo.

"and you always fucking side with them!" i shouted at gaten.

all three of them looked at me with shame. they couldnt speak. they didnt deserve to speak. fuck this friendship. if it was even worth calling friendship.

"finn," iris whispered. "please, calm down and lets talk about this.."

i knew that if i stayed longer, if we continued on with a 'talk' i would burst again. and i was in too much pain and anger, i just wanted to get out.

"fuck you," i murmured to her, another tear coming out. "fuck all of you," i said as i grabbed my car keys from romeos side of the table. "im taking my car, so good luck going to that amusement park."

they also used me for my car. fuck them.

;

i sit for a good, solid 14 minutes in my car, warm tears landing on the cloth that wraps the stirring wheel. there are circular blots that are a shade darker than the original light gray.

"im pathetic." i say to myself as i bury my face into my palms, then afterwards punching the wheel.

i exit the car. my eyes get blurry from the tears as i gasp for air from my sobs. i sit on the pavement, wiping my tears and trying to fix my breathing.

standing up, i dust my jeans and walk over to the mall. should i stay? should i go back? or should i apologize?

sorry? what am i sorry for, honestly?

i reel around on my feet, deciding to just go back to my car and drive to God knows where when i see a girl my age struggling with a lot of shopping bags.

"do you need help?"

this is just so you guys can understand finns side - like why the hell was he at the mall and chiz. sorry for the wait lOl

*also if you get the references in the last part i stg i love u forever HAH zZzZ