three step plan - fillie

9. what they decided upon

millie

"millie?" joe's warm voice said through the door. "the breakfast in bed you ordered - its here," he said calmly, "are you sure you dont wanna eat down the buffet table?"

joe and i had gotten a bit closer now, to the point where at least we call each other by our first names now. he's looking out for me in a brotherly way, which i appreciate more than anything.

"no," i say meekly, my body still wrapped around the hotel sheets. "i dont want to eat down. just - " i slap my hand on my forehead, remembering my door was locked. i was supposed to tell him to come in and set it down.

i stand up, jogging to the door as i open it, where joe carries the tray and walks past me to place it on the table near my bed. "you okay?" he asks just as he places it down.

i nod, but we both know im lying. he doesnt push me, though. and thats what i like about him. he knows when, and when not, to ask some stuff.

"kay then," he says as he walks to the door. "i'll leave you to it. you can always talk to me, my free shifts," he says with a small smile before he leaves my room, shutting the door softly.

i walk over to my breakfast, staring blankly at my waffles. huh. i dont feel hungry.

i plop down my bed, thinking of all the things i should have brought. my laptop, for instance. my plan is to buy a new one, after all i've spent a lot of my college fund anyway.

but thinking of my college fund reminds me of my parents, and the thought of them in distress because of me makes my heart ache.

i've blocked both their numbers on my phone, giving me no access at all to even ask them how theyre doing without through sadie.

i miss them more than everything. a tear rolls down my cheek.

what finn said still burns in my head, because even if how much i deny it, i know theres a ring of truth in his words. going all the way here for a guy - for romeo does seem desperate. it seems pathetic. scratch seems. it is pathetic.

im pathetic.

but what can i do? im here. and fuck pathetic, fuck desperate. because i have no regrets. if this isnt love, then what else is it?

and i need a plan. i need more details to what i am to do. gaten didnt work out, therefore only leaving me with one rational choice - finn.

i dont get why its so hard for me - to type in his number and ask for help. i mean, i do. he obviously has a serious dislike for romeo at the moment, and i practically embarrassed myself in front of him. but i've reached this far already.

i type, then message sent.

;

"i cant believe im doing this," he hisses, "i cant believe this." i close my eyes, pressing them hard to the point where my facial muscles scrunch up. "please, just please tell me, finn."

"im gonna tell the most naked thing to a person who i dont even know?" he cocks his brow, his tone challenging. i exhale. "we have the same music taste," i remind.

"there are more people who like twin peaks and weezer too," he says pointedly before rolling his eyes, "and you dont have a right to demand that information from me. i dont get why youre interested with my life when romeos the one youre pining for."

"because i want to understand you!" i say, "i want to know your side of the story. because finn," i pause, taking a deep breath. "dont take this as if im using you or what - " i say quickly, but he already frowns. "but youre my only hope left. gatens dismissed me already."

"well i wonder why," he sneers. my fingernails are sinking into my palms, trying to keep my patience.

"please? you never know, maybe, we might get what we both want." i raise my eyebrows convincingly.

he stops for a moment, just frowning and.. thinking. he's considered this. which in a way intrigues me more - what could he want?

he opens his mouth to speak, but then closes, and the crease on his forehead returns and deepens. "wait, how do you know i want something?"

"because we all want something," i say. "its known fact humans live to appease their wants. i wanna know yours. ours might meet halfway, you never know."

he swallows, and the gentleness from when he helped me at the mall surfaced again. his eyes go soft, like brown caramel.

"okay," he answers. "i guess it wouldnt hurt to tell." he says with an unsure shrug. "romeo, gaten & i are pretty close. were." he pauses, biting his bottom lip nervously. "then i liked this girl, but ends up, the only reason why she allegedly liked me was because of romeo." he closed his eyes, his cheeks turning pink. hes embarrassed.

"this girl," i cough, "shes romeos current girlfriend -?"

"yeah," he says, "she is."

that explains this anger bubbled up inside of him. or the way he moves with no awareness of who he is, like hes insecure. like hes scared.

i reach out to touch his hand. his eyes widen in surprise, which makes me draw my hand back a little, but i place it on his anyway.

"if i get romeo back, iris might see you then," i say softly. "just help me out." my fingertips are brushing against the back of his palm. "please."

and the look in his eyes tells me he has decided.

hi! finals are coming up next week so i might not be able to update as often. but stay tuned because this is when things get fun for fillie 💖 - delia 👐