The Get-Go [Ashton Irwin]

03: Get Stupid

     Are you aware of how frigging weird it is to listen to people question someone you know about their life? I mean, even though it's usually stuff you know - Boxers, Briefs, or None? is pretty well known in most closer-knit circles, I think, as is the status of your 'V-Card' - it's still weird to hear them say it aloud, to the public.

     That's what I'm doing right now, and I have to say, I'm actually kind of bored. Judging by the looks on their faces whenever they happen to glance out the studio in Dave and I's direction, though, they're having a pretty good time. Really, if I could've been there with them, it would have been a hell of a lot more fun. But nah. Instead, I get to stand just outside with Dave, listening to the live show with some kind of official from the radio station. Fun times.
     I'm sorely tempted to leave, and take Seb, Michael's guitar tech, up on his offer to teach me how to play Grand Theft Auto: V, but I don't know how much better that's going to be. Video games have never really been my thing - yeah, obviously I'll play some stuff occasionally, but it's usually MarioKart or Super Smash Bros. I've never really been into stuff like the GTA's. Besides, Ash is here, and I'm sure as hell not around to be... not here.

     Suddenly, Ashton catches my eye through the window, and sticks out his tongue while crossing his eyes at me - one of his stupid ways of making me laugh. It's been two days since the night I got venue-arrested, and he seems to have made a full recovery; now, he's back up to his usual tricks - joking, goofing off, and just generally being the life of the party.

     When he sees me smile, he flashes a quick thumbs up, then turns his attention back to Luke, who must be talking about something. He says I don't smile enough, and it's probably true. I think that makes up about half our relationship, actually - Ashton trying to make me smile or laugh at any given moment, no matter how inappropriately. Sometimes, I wonder if I smiled more, if we would still stay together, you know? Like, if he stopped having to remind me to be happy, would the 'challenge' be gone/would he lose interest?

     "Why so serious?" That warm Australian accent giggling in my ear startles me out of my reverie. The show must be over, because my golden boy and his trio of friends are all wandering around the radio office. Michael and Calum are refilling their water bottles at the cooler, and Luke's talking up some girl that must be an intern by a desk. A moment later, Ashton's tanned, toned arms are wrapped around me, holding me tight to his body.
     "Just contemplating." I half-smile, taking note that Dave has disappeared, and absolutely no one in the office is looking our direction. While Ashton doesn't see any problems with PDA, I'm actually kind of shy about it - part of the reason I really like our arrangement.
     He cranes his neck around so he can kiss my cheek, then finally releases me with a low chuckle. "About what? What could you possibly be contemplating about that makes you look so sad?"
     "Losing you." Ashton's the only person in the entire world that I have a complete honesty policy with, even for the shitty stuff. It's too hard to lie to him, anyway. There's just something about how he looks at me that's like... he knows. Sure, I can lie to my mom, or my teachers, or even my best friend, but lying to Ashton just seems kind of pointless.
I wish I could lie to him, though, because now I have to watch his eyes dull as he looks me over, like he's looking for some physical part of me that's making me contemplate bad things. Like I'm a strand of Christmas lights, and he's trying to find the one bulb that's not shining. Way to kill the mood, Wyn.
     "Don't. Turn off the contemplating. It's not doing you any good, Snowflake. In fact, I don't even want you to think about that because thinking about bad things that aren't going to happen is stupid."
"Stupid," I echo back, turning the word over in my head.
His slightly-curled bangs bounce when he nods, repeating the word one last time. "Stupid."

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     That word is still bouncing around inside my thoughts as I lie awake on my sofa-bed. The boys have long gone to sleep, despite the fact that tomorrow is a Day Off. According to Calum, this is to maximize the full benefits of having absolutely nothing that they absolutely have to do.
     According to Ash, it's so he and I can spend so much time together, I'll get sick of him before I drop off the tour tonight. Even though I know I won't, he promised we'd go down swinging - by his explanation, if we do get sick of each other, we'll somehow miss each other less. The logic isn't exactly sound, but in the months we've been seeing each other, the strategy itself seems to have worked out well enough.
     But it's that little six-letter word, not the thought of Ash, that's keeping me awake. Stupid.