*beep...beep...beep...beep..*
*Throb throb throb*
My eyes shot open and I gasped for air. I sat up and looked around, I was in a white room with only a bed and machine monitoring my heart rate. I had an IV in my arm.
I got up, placing my bare feet on the cold white floor. It was dead silent. Where am I? What happened?
Where's Noah?
I started thinking, I had fallen. I guess I hit my head, I'm so confused.
My skin raised with goosebumps, bringing the fact that I was in a hospital gown to my attention. So I'm in the hospital.
I walked to the door and opened it, peeking out into the hall. Finally I saw Noah talking to a doctor, I smiled.
"Noah? Hey! Noah!?"I called to him as I ran towards him. He didn't flinch. Couldn't he hear me?
I got as close to him as I could, I even touched him. "Noah? Can't you hear me?"I swallowed, this is weird.
Still no movement, he and the doctor were the only ones in the hallway. They were having a conversation.
"Will she be okay?"Noah asked him with glistening eyes. The doctor hesitated.
"Well, she hit her head pretty hard. There's a 30% chance of amnesia, but other than that she should be alright."
A tear slipped down Noah's cheek, my heart breaking at the sight. I wiped it away, but it didn't actually go away.
Am I dead? What is this?
"What if she has amnesia?"Noah asked, he seemed scared out of his mind.
"Amnesia can be temporary, but she may not remember you or anyone at all."The doctor explained to him, making Noah crumble into a million pieces.
Alright, I've had enough of this. I broke down crying and hugged Noah's body even though he can't feel me. "WHERE AM I!? WHAT IS THIS!? NOAH!? GATEN!? BRIANNA!?"I started screaming out in frustration.
"Emris!? Em!? I'm right here!! Hey, I'm here. It's okay.."A voice spoke, I lifted my head up.
It was Noah's voice, I looked at him but his mouth wasn't moving.
"Where!?"I jumped up and started walking in a circle.
"Right here, on your bed. Open your eyes."Noah spoke again, I still couldn't find the real him. I ran back to the room a came out of.
"No you're not, I don't see you!"I sobbed but continued to try and figure this out. I crawled onto the bed, back into the position I woke up in.
"I'm right here just open your eyes!"
Maybe if I closed my eyes I would see him, if they were open now closing them could be the way out. I took a deep breathe, closed my eyes, and suddenly I could feel everything.
I felt his hands on my arms, I felt his body on this bed, I felt like I was safe again. "I can feel you now but I still can't see you."I said.
"Just open your eyes."He spoke softly, I was scared to do so. But I did.
Finally, I saw him in front of me. "Noah!!"I sat up and jumped into his arms. He was nervous but relaxed once hugging me back.
I sighed. "What happened?"He asked me as we pulled apart.
"I don't know, but I was here. Except you couldn't see me. I went into the hallway and you were talking to a doctor. You were crying, I was calling your name but you didn't hear me. I touched you but you didn't feel me. You didn't know I was there. But then I started crying and screaming and that's when you finally answered, you told me you were here so I came back to this bed and kind of woke up or I don't know. What happened to me?"I explained my "nightmare" to him. His face was confused, worried, and sympathetic all at the same time.
"You were running into the house, hit your head on the steps, and fell down the rest of the way and hit your head again on the concrete. Now you're in the hospital."
I slowly nodded, the doctor came in. He told me I had a panic attack since I have PTSD. Fuck, Noah didn't know that.
I was released to go home, my mom came and got us. I barely said anything the whole way home, I really didn't want him to know I had PTSD.
- at home -
"So, you have PTSD huh?"Noah asked me once we got into my room. It was 1am so everyone was asleep.
"Yes."I nearly whispered. He sighed and came up to me. I didn't look at him.
I felt his finger on my chin, bringing my face to his. Closer and closer, until our lips connected. I deepened the kiss, my tongue dancing with his. He picked me up and laid me down on the bed.
No, we weren't going anywhere further than kissing. Calm down.
We pulled apart, he placed himself next to me. "I don't hate you, I just wanna know why you didn't tell me."
I stared at the ceiling, searching for words to give him an answer that wouldn't leave him in confusion. "I.. I didn't tell you because I can't tell you what made me have PTSD. Not yet. I stopped taking my medicine when I got here because I knew you'd ask. I thought I'd be fine. I'm sorry."
"..okay. Just promise me you'll start taking you medicine again?"
I nodded. "I'll tell you why someday, I'm just not ready. I was only diagnosed about a year ago. I trust you Noah, I really do. But I'm just not ready. I haven't even talked about it with anyone but Brianna and my mom. They're the only ones who know what happened.."I started to get choked up, thankfully he noticed.
"Hey, it's okay. Don't stress. Let's get some sleep, alright?"He wrapped his arms around me. I nodded.
He turned the lights off. We got under the covers, making ourselves comfortable.
I closed my eyes, but couldn't sleep.
I've never told Noah I love him. Well, when we were only friends I said it a lot. But not like this. I love him. I really do. I'm scared to tell him though, but I'm going to.
"Noah?"I squeaked.
"Yeah?"
"I.. I love you. Like, love love."
"I love you too, more than anyone."
Q: Have you ever been in love with someone?
A: yessss ;)
