Everything Feels Wrong

this is the scary part

So, like I said, I only remember snippets of this part. I remember opening my eyes and looking around, and realizing that, I wasn't in the living room sitting a foot away from him on the couch anymore. I was in a room with posters on the walls and a record player on a desk in the corner. I remember thinking about how weird it was that this boy had a light blue record player and some old vinyl records in his bedroom, because he seemed more like the boy to listen to angry music on an iPod to me. He always had. I heard footsteps coming in my direction, but then the sound started to fade away along with my vision. I don't know how long it was until the next time I came to, it could've been seconds, it could've been minutes. I remember pain. Red hot and awful. I remember opening my mouth to scream, and trying to, but I couldn't hear myself. All I could hear was him. I heard things that I will never be able to forget, sounds that will never leave my ears. I remember saying no. And stop. Or I remember trying to, at least. My mouth opened but I don't know if the words ever found their way out. I felt weak, and worthless. I felt hot tears roll down my face, and I felt hands that weren't mine on my skin in places that I had always been told were off limits to other people unless I said it was okay. I didn't say this was okay. There really wasn't anything I could do, he was bigger than me, on top of me, I couldn't stop what was happening. I tried to push at his chest a couple times, but it did absolutely nothing. I felt like a little girl, weak and tired. I remember closing my eyes again, and letting what was going to happen, happen.