Everything Feels Wrong

the rest of the day after

I spent the rest of the day after in a daze. I sat through first period, feeling barely there, not saying anything. I couldn't seem to get words out. The morning's events played through my head on repeat, like a broken record. The last words he'd said to me before I stormed out of his house to catch the bus played over and over in my head, and each time, I heard them in his voice. A friend of mine had told me that she'd "totally gotten laid last night", and before I realized what I was doing I muttered that I had too. The girl looked at me and laughed, telling me that I was kidding and lightly punched me on the shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, of course I was kidding, you know me, ew dicks are gross, right?" I chuckled and decided to stop talking.

I remember walking into choir, and wondering how on Earth I'd be able to sing when it felt like my voice was gone. Our choral director this year was really cool, and occasionally gave us 'days off', where she'd sit in the front of the room and do teacher things, and we didn't have to sing. Today was one of those days, and I don't think I'd ever been so grateful to not spend the hour singing. I remember two of my closest friends in the class coming up to me to talk about nothing in particular, and I immediately felt cornered. I know that wasn't their intention, and I normally felt really comfortable with these girls. I felt so overwhelmed. I wanted to tell somebody about what had happened. So what did I do?

In a hushed voice, I blurted out to Sarah, "I was raped."