Hp headcanons (NO COVER YET)

Is anyone keeping track of these numbers?

What if Harry never lost his parcletongue ability?

Like Albus buys a pet snake (because snakes are flipping amazing) and keeps it in his room. So one day he walks in on Harry and his snake having a deep conversation.

AND FREAKING THEN

Albus is 17 and looses his virginity in his room and forgets the snake is there. After when Harry walks in to his room to get something the snake says "OMG YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!"

What is my life I never update but have a big start all planned out...