I Peed Myself In Front Of My Crush

Chapter 16: The First Time

The first time I saw her, was when she had transferred to my school. She was so shy and cut off from everyone. It seemed like she didn't want to be friends with the students in our class, or was it the other way around?

Well, it couldn't possibly be the other way around because everyone in school thought she was really cool. No one had ever transferred in our school in the middle of the session. Rumors spread around like wild fire. Some saying she was arrested for possession of drugs in her previous school and had transferred here for a fresh start. Some said she had slept with a teacher.

Every rumor made me feel more attracted towards her. I wanted to know about her from her own self and not through these rumors. She kept to herself all the time and I had begun to get used to her always being by herself.

And then, she befriended Tim.

And I got to see her smile.

He'd make her smile so wide and unapologetically that it made me jealous that he could do such a thing and here I couldn't even talk to her.

It made my heart race so wildly, whenever she'd smile or laugh. And that was the first time ever, my heart had felt so awed by someone, that I was willing to go talk to that person. Everyone came to talk to me, and here I was wishing and wanting to go talk to her.

And so, I did.

I still remember how cute she looked with her mouth opening and only forming bits and pieces of words. She looked dumbstruck. I wondered what I looked like to her. I did want to look attractive to her since she looked attractive to me too.

I wanted to look my best, and didn't want her to see the side of me which was always insecure and afraid.

Because I was afraid. I was afraid of people's opinions on me. And I admired her for that. For being so cool under attention. Everyone looked at her, talked of her, and admired her, and she always looked cool and collected. Well, apart from the times when I talked to her. That was the only time when she'd lose her voice or her words.

It made me scared of why it would happen. Maybe, she didn't deem me significant to even form whole correct words for me, or maybe she was uncomfortable talking to me and felt awkward in my presence.

Where she had always been alone before becoming friends with Tim, I always had Bridget and Zoe as friends.

Partly, it was because Zoe, Bridget and I had things common with each other, like how our fathers knew one another and how we liked the same genre of movies; and mostly, it was because I was afraid of being alone.

I had always been alone before they came along in the start of middle school.

There were always kids that laughed at me, or teased me, but that all stopped when I befriended Bridget and then later Zoe.

That was when I realized how peaceful it was to have friends, and how no one really teased me. Maybe, being alone was the root of all the bullying and teasing. Maybe, being alone was like an open invitation for others to come stomp all over me.

And maybe, friends were guardians.

That was what I believed and that was why I did everything Bridget asked me to. I gave her everything she wanted. Toys, clothes, makeup..., people.

Zoe asked me, every time I gave Bridget something of mine that she liked, of how I could just give her something I liked. I always had the answer, just never the power to speak it out-loud. I was afraid of being lonely, and if having a friend meant sacrificing some toys and clothes here and there, I was okay with it.

But, the problem with giving too much, is that the other hand is always ready to take more.

I had a boyfriend in middle school. He was sweet and kind. The only boy in seventh grade that wasn't curious to see what a girl had between her legs.

I liked him.

He treated me like a queen. I was probably the most undeserving queen ever, since I broke his heart. And when his heart was in little pieces, I sent Bridget at his doorstep with a tub of ice-cream and some DVDs, because Bridget liked him more than I did.

It was true that she liked him more than me, because I didn't like kissing him. It felt wrong and I didn't feel those magical fireworks or the skip of a beat whenever we kissed.

I was ready to believe that maybe romance movies really did lie about how the girl would feel whenever she loved someone. But, I knew what we both had wasn't love.

But, what was love, even?

I always answered this question with the feelings that my parents shared. The type of feelings that were unspoken but heard clearly, the type that were understanding.

I wanted the kind of love that my parents had, and when I first saw her, I knew that what I was feeling must really be love.

I was happy. Just being there, watching her, talking to her, although I talked and she just stood there looking at me with her mouth opening and closing.

I was happy.

And then, Bridget found out.

To her, me liking a girl was unexpected but interesting. I didn't understand why it was interesting, until the day she asked me of something that I could not give to her.

We were in my room, having our weekly sleepover, which Zoe was once again late to, so, Bridget and I decided to just leisurely talk about things; school, crushes and homework. Although, homework was never really brought up in the conversation, we just liked to believe that it was important.

She was lying on her back, looking at my ceiling when she had asked me, and I had sat up on the floor to get a good look at her. She tended to joke a lot about things, and I was silently praying in my mind that this was one of those casual jokes.

But, when I had seen her looking at me with that look, that look that she only gave me when she needed something from me, I felt my heart plummet to my stomach.

"W-What?"

"I want Jade."

"No."

And that was the first time, I had told her no.

Everything was fine between us, fortunately. All of my fears washed away when she continued being my friend, and here I was afraid of what she might do even when I was certain of what she could do.

But then, it happened. That accident where Jade accidently peed herself in front of the whole class, including Bridget and me.

Even though, that little accident gave me the opportunity to be close to the girl that I was beginning to have feelings for. It also gave Bridget the opportunity to punish Jade for what I had done.

At first, there were just mean comments, that transformed into physical harassment.

Bridget never gave Jade the chance to escape from what she had done.

Jade was beginning to live with the consequences of something that I had done.

And so, I made it easy for her, and gave her away.

As if, she was my possession and not an actual human being.

As if, she wasn't the first girl that I was beginning to love. 

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This is in Paige's POV if some of you were wondering. Also, I hope you enjoy because I have one more POV that I will publish in the near future. 

Vote and comment. And have a happy new year, peeps. :)