You Are My Only Sunshine

Chapter 23: Anxious

So I didn't reach my goal of 19 votes... -_-. FANS...

lol no it's okay I was just hoping that because you did it once you could do it again? But... it's okay :'l. YES FEEL GUILTY.

Haha don't worry I love you all still for even bothering to read this.C: So heres another chapter.

I forgot to mention that yes, I will have more time to write because it's summer. BUT I get a school laptop and they take it away for the summer. So that equals a lot less wanting to write for me because I have to use my family computer. Which is uncomfortable because I don't get my bed and I have to deal with my family peering at my work at times.

Boohoo for lil ol Nikki.

Anyway, go on and read now! Vote and comment if you love me. Not going to make a goal for this chapter because I'm just lovely. C:

And I wrote this all in one night! So be proud of me!

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Chapter 23

Anxious

It scared me to think that I didn’t even have the weekend to sort out my thoughts about everything because I was going to see him again tomorrow, which was a freaking Wednesday… which meant I was going to have to see him another three days in a row.

                I was panicking again, I could hardly sleep, actually. There were so many problems with what just happened. There was the fact that I was clinically depressed and Sam had no idea. Once he found out he would stop liking me. Which I don't think I would be able to take.

                It's not like he even likes me, really.

                Just because he kissed me doesn't mean a thing. I mean, if any teenage guy had a girl in his car they would be sure to make a move. Especially if they had boobs like mine. The fact of the matter is that boys don't make rational decisions… right? I mean guys usually just want to get in a girl's pants. They don't consider the emotional turmoil it will bring the girl later that night, weather the situation felt bad or good.

                And in my case it was bad… very, very bad.

                Because there's also the fact that Sam is leaving in a couple of months. If I get too attached it'll just hurt me more when he leaves. Not that we would even continue to have a thing because he couldn't like me… could he? I began to rewind last night, when he started to lean forward and…

                No.

                I was not going to do that to myself. I am not going to be one of those pathetic girls who over think everything and review everything, analyzing every detail. I couldn't be one of those girls.

                But who was I even kidding? I can't even trick myself into thinking I'm strong when I'm the last thing from it. I'm fucking weak. Three years ago, when my mom died, all I did was lay in bed. I avoided everyone and everything. I went through the stages of grief like any other useless idiot. I'm depressed now because I'm not strong enough to get over anything. I have to use pills to make things better because I can't do it myself. Because I'm weak. And I am one of those pathetic girls. It hit me even harder when my alarm went off and I realized I got absolutely no sleep last night. Because I had such high anxiety  I couldn't let go of thoughts of last night just for fifteen minutes to let my body relax and sleep.