Absence

4

Besides the noises from Paxton, who was sleepily mumbling things and trying to keep his heavy eyelids open, the majority of the car ride was still silent... I just wasn't sure what I wanted to say to the man beside me. When we had finally pulled up into the driveway of my small condo, Casper smiled. "This is adorable" he said as we pulled into the garage.

"Thanks." I nodded, opening the car door and going to the back seat to unbuckle my half asleep baby. "Go back to bed pumpkin, we're home now" I whispered cuddling him closer.

He yawned and wrapped his arms around my neck, laying his head on my shoulder as I put the blanket over him and shut the car door softly.

"Can you unlock the door please?" I asked Casper, handing him the keys in my free hand. I told him which key it was after he had looked at the key ring, slightly puzzled before I told him of my plan to take Paxton to bed. I walked upstairs with Pax, rubbing his back as I avoided the squeaky steps in the stairs. When we got to his room, I changed him into a more comfortable outfit for a nap before deciding to sit with him in the rocking chair. He snuggled closer to me as we swayed in the rocking chair. My sweet little boy... What would I do without you?

He looked as if he was on the verge of falling asleep, so I hummed softly to him, watching as he really had begun to fall asleep.

By now, Casper had made his way into the room, and was watching the interaction with a look that was all to familiar, and one I wasn't quite ready to see yet. Paxton was finally asleep after I had finished humming The A team, and so I gently put my sleeping baby in his crib, looking at how peaceful he seemed.

"He looks so... calm." Casper whispered.

"He does." I agreed before we both quietly left the room to head back downstairs. I realized I had forgotten the monitor so I snuck back upstairs and went and got it out of my bedroom to bring back downstairs with me. I couldn't help but wonder what was going through Caspers head right now, because I know my own was a mess. This whole idea of him coming back was just so... tempting. The thought of giving Paxton a happy family, the family he deserved was just dangling in front of my face, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to trust that the idea could become a reality yet.

"Alright let's talk about this" I said, interrupting the silence. Casper took his eyes off the wall of pictures, instead looking at me.

"Can I... just, let me start this out by saying I never should have done what I did to you Flint." Casper frowned.

"Really captain obvious? Never would have guessed that one." I muttered. He either was choosing to ignore me, or really hadn't heard me as he continued to talk.

"I should have talked to you before I just...I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am." He sighed. "I was a just a incredibly stupid teenager and my career was the only thing on my mind... I didn't think about how this would effect you, I was more concerned about my public image and I will never be able to apologize for that. It'll hang over my head for the rest of my life, but I'm here now, I've grown up along and I want to be a part of his life... and maybe even yours again."

It was quiet for a minute as I slowly thought out my answer. "I don't... I don't know know Casper," I finally said, running my hands through my hair. "I'm glad you can own up to this and tell me that you were wrong, because you sure as hell were. And I'm no monster, you will be apart of Paxton's life as long as you want to be-"

"I do want to be. More than anything."

"Let me keep finish" I sighed. "Ill be honest Casper, I love how you only found out you had a child, not even 2 hours ago and your already trying to have a relationship with him. That's impressive, but I'm terrified to let you in. I can't watch you walk away from him when things get hard. Things are going to be hard Casper. Its not as easy as the movies make it look, and I love him more than I love anything in the world. I can't watch him get attached and then deal with the aftermath if you decided to up an leave one day."