Absence

6

Flint

"He's asleep." I said, walking back down into the kitchen.

"That was quick." Casper smiled as I opened the fridge.

I shrugged, pulling out a couple beers, sliding one to the pop star. "He was tired."

He didn't have anything to say as I opened my beer bottle, handing the opener to him before he did the same. When I woke up this morning, this is not how I expected my day to go. Let alone my weekend... or my life.

"Do you wanna talk about it some more?" Casper asked quietly, taking a sip of his beer.

"No." I mumbled into the bottle, taking a sip of mine. He just nodded, letting the slightly uncomfortable silence continue. I don't wanna talk to him, but at the same time I couldn't handle this weird silence anymore. "Are you excited for tour?"

My question seemed to surprise him. "Yes and no. It's always so much fun, but it's also a lot."

I nodded, swirling my beer. "I guess so."

It was silent again as I stared into the beer bottle. What the hell is my life? We both finished our beers probably way too quickly, cracking into another... and another... until that one beer had hit 3, and we were both now on our 4th one.

"I'm sorry." Casper said, once again breaking the silence.

"I get it."

"For everything. Life wouldn't be this messy if it weren't for me."

"Ain't that the truth."

"Seriously Flint..." He said, taking my hand and making me look at him.

"I'm sorry, for everything."

A few hours ago I probably would have laughed and spit in his face, but right now all I could see was the sorrow in his eyes.

"You still have to earn your forgiveness." I muttered, taking my hand out of his grasp. "You fucked me up Casper. Hard. And don't say your sorry because I get it, blah blah blah you're a stupid teenager with a stupid job, but that didn't make it hurt any fucking less."

"I know..."

"You just left me, you left me crying on the floor of my bedroom after telling me to 'get rid of it', because it was my problem and not our child."

"Flint I..."

"I've had to do everything by myself! Myself Casper! You got to go off and enjoy your fucking music career, everything you worked so damn hard for and what did I get? A fucking congratulations it's a boy ballon and a 'we're sorry to see you go' letter from my college. Don't get me wrong here I love that boy with more than anything and I'd do it all over again 50 times if I had too, but 19 year old postpartum Flint didn't have the same feelings then, I'll tell you that much."

"I can't..."

"Not to mention all the friends I fucking lost. You know Ash is the only one who stayed? Cash stopped talking to me, obviously because he's your bandmate and the couple other guys I did hangout with dipped as soon as the figured out I was gay and pregnant. Oh yeah, a lot of my family also decided I wasn't straight enough to be related to them anymore, but the ones who did stick around long enough figured out I wasn't telling who the father was and started some nice rumors about me through a family group chat me, my mom, and my sister weren't in, isn't that so fucking funny? Who cares if you're gay, but a gay slut? Oh now that's where they draw the line."