Bleeding Color

16. Perfectly Imperfect

As wonderful of a distraction Ms. Fitzpatrick and escaping to her classroom has been, I know I can't hide here forever during lunch. The distance I've created between my friends and myself is inevitably hurting me more than comforting me as I initially intended for it to do so. I retake my place at lunch with Athena, Chloe, and Christina, along with a few others I am not considerably close to one day and my heart stops when I see Alycia approaching. Alycia joins the lunch group and treats me how she treats everyone else. Every single time I look at her, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Alycia and I are on good terms and have talked a lot since the break up, but I know she still hurts. I know I hurt her. Spending lunch pretending I'm okay being around Alycia for two weeks straight drains me. Thankfully, Christina knows me well enough to suggest I go to the library downtown and lose myself in fictional worlds.

Christina doesn't come to the library with me Friday after school, but my mom offers to drop me off on her way to dinner with my step-dad. There's a large crowd gathered by the entrance to the library and my curiosity gets the best of me. I approach the crowd and notice they're surrounding a spray paint artist. Pushing my way through the crowd, I'm not surprised to see the artist at work is none other than the infamous Logan Spencer. She hands a young kid a painter's mask and he watches in awe as she paints him a breathtakingly beautiful space landscape. Logan occasionally interrupts her own momentum of painting to make a joke to the crowd or pretend to let a paint can slip in front of the kid, making him chuckle and the rest of the crowd even more captivated by her.

Watching Logan work consumes me and I don't find my way out until she finishes her fourth painting since I've been watching her. She stops and apologizes to the crowd for running out of paper to paint on and the crowd disperses, dropping loose change and dollar bills into a tip jar. My eyes travel to the kid who Logan was entertaining and a smile pulls at the corners of my lips as he excitedly shows off the painting Logan made for him and tells his parents he wants to tell all his friends about it.

The clinking of spray paint bottles yanks my attention back to Logan who still hasn't spotted me. She shoves the last of her supplies into an old black backpack covered in paint splatters, and heads into the library. I follow her, not able to force words out in time to get her attention. Logan walks straight down to the large, main help desk and greets the librarian behind the counter. Instead of asking for information, though, Logan empties her tip jar into a donation box labeled "The Longo Foundation." She makes small talk with the librarian before turning to leave and hesitates as her eyes meet mine.

Logan walks in my direction and an abrasive question manages to slip from my lips asking Logan, "Do you always do that? I mean, make art for those people out there and give all your tips to that foundation?"

Logan shrugs as she passes me, and I follow her lead, keeping pace beside her. "Yes," she answers. "I make enough selling the art, and I figure the tips should go somewhere that could actually use the extra money for a better purpose."

"What is The Longo Foundation? I've never heard of it."

"It's for families of the terminally ill. To help pay for procedures they can't afford." Logan explains.

"That's noble," my thoughts escape me. "Saving lives of people who are told their lives can't be saved is pretty amazing."

Logan inhales deeply and looks at me briefly before she continues walking. "It's not a foundation for saving lives. It's for buying time." Logan clarifies. "Ellie Longo graduated from our high school a couple years ago and found out her brain tumor had redeveloped and there was no guarantee she would live a normal life if the tumor was removed. But she met someone who made quite an impact on her and made her feel like more time – no matter how long that time was – was worth it. Ellie and her mom believed other families deserved as much time as they could get. Especially after they've given up."