Naira’s POV
He ordered food for both of us. We talked a bit over food. But some how the vibrant, always jovial Kartik failed to resurface. He wasn’t ignoring me per say, he talked not even mechanically. It was normal talk. Every reply was given, appropriate conversations made. But I couldn’t help but feel something was a miss.
We ate. I kept my hold firm on his hand. He didn’t seem to mind. Mid way through the meal he looked up and asked, “Tina? What’s running though your mind?” I looked up in his eyes of genuine curiosity.
“Why won’t you smile?” I replied. He pulled up his lips. That was all I could take with this fake smile, did he take me for a fool?
“That’s your problem. You smile when you don’t want to. But I can read a fake smile. You don’t have to be happy all the time around me. I’m not fragile. Stop walking on pins and needles around me. You are my best friend. But can you please stop trying to act happy. I know you go on to your sad times. I know you are afraid that about the future, trust me I am too. Had I not known anything it would have been a completely different story. I know I’m you wife. I know you love me. I know you are here, counting every second for your wife. And trust me I am trying very hard to become that woman. But can you stop pretending as if nothing is wrong? We are friends right? We share things. You gave me the liberty of taking this mess in my hand, trust me, I won’t let it mess with your life.”
I laid out mine pent up frustration of weeks when he used to hide his emotions. When he never told me anything. When he became pensive for no apparent reason for me. He thought I didn’t notice? Or that I won’t care?
“Ja..Tina I, you know I can’t share everything with you. Even if I want to! There are things which, which no one but me can know. I don’t know how to do this.” He told me
Though I didn’t like this. He wasn’t alone in all this. I was in as much deep shit as him. I lost my memory. Then I realise that I’m married I have this big family, I suddenly have people who love me. And I have this sweet guy as my husband who is ready to keep his life on hold for me, for God knows how long. Did he think I didn’t realised that?
“I know you can’t tell me certain things medically. But you yourself chose to ward yourself off completely? You say you trust me, you said you love your wife, but not once did you come to share your problems with me. I always have to figure out your mood and try and cheer you up. Especially these days. What’s wrong Kartik? Why won’t you tell me?” she said.
“I don’t know. I don’t know, okay. That’s the whole problem. I don’t know how long can we go on like this. I don’t know if I can ever stop loving both versions of you. I don’t know if you can ever love me again. I don’t know anything anymore. The life I have lived has never been so unpredictable.” He blasted on me. Wasn’t it what I wanted? But I didn’t know what to do now? A tear leaked involuntarily.
“Tina I..I didn’t mean to. I am sorry” he said. His thumb trying to wipe my tear off. “I’m sorry Jaan, I really didn’t mean to blast upon you. It just went out..I..” he really couldn’t string words anymore. And I didn’t even want his sorry.
“Kartik no, don’t apologise every minute. Don’t coddle me up. I’m not little child to be couped up in a blanket. This is not your fight alone. Kartik I...I know you love me. Not only your wife, but me. I ..like you Kartik. I am no more fighting only for your trust. I really like being with you. I wish this were easier, but it isn’t. I’m sorry that I cannot be your wife sooner.”
He looked like he could say many words, but he gulped. Unknowingly. A tear began to form in his eyes and I knew what was going going to happen now.
“I’ll be back in a while. Excuse me.” He said, before standing up and walking out.
I was prepared for him this time, and no I was in no mood to let him go away from me.
As he started walking alone on the road, in an almost empty path, I went up with a projected voice and sang.
Pal bhar theher jao, dil ye sambhal jaye,
Kaise tumhe roka karun.
Meri taraf aata, har gam phisal jaye,
Bahon mei tumko bharun.
Bin boli baatein, tumse kahun,
Agar tum saath ho..
I wasn’t gifted with a great voice, but it worked well enough to stop my man. Plus the fact, that I went ahead and hugged him from back.
He got hold of my hand in a grip I thought he would push me away! And he pulled me, and whipped me around. But not to push me away, only to pull me close to himself. Settling myself in his embrace he rested his head on mine.
I couldn’t for a minute help but feel that this was where I belonged. That this is where I’m meant be, survive and thrive.
Kartik’s POV
When she laid her heart out, just like that. I felt that was my Naira. Always saying whatever she wanted to say fearlessly, making demands from who she considered her own. I was glad, I was still hers.
When I walked out of the hotel, our plan of celebrating a beautiful new year was destroyed magnificently. I couldn’t control. But she walked out here with me, and telling me that everything will be okay, if only I stand by her side. If only we stay together.
How could I stay upset anymore? She didn’t realise she loved me. But she always and always wanted me. Whatever was the situation, whatever was it’s effect.
Her fight was probably much bigger than mine, she had this impeccable trust on something she didn’t even know existed. At least I knew and loved her. Not her though. How did I ever forget that part?
My resolutions to get my love back in my life was strengthened further. I could just reside with her arms around me forever.
When we both got a hold of our emotions back, she tried to pull away. I didn’t let her. I kept my hold around her shoulders, and asked her, “So what do we do now? Go back?”
“No. The place is too sophisticated and we have already done too much of drama there. I don’t think they’d be happy to see us anymore.” She said sticking her tongue out.
I snorted. As if I cared for what people thought about us. But she was right. A dinner didn’t sound interesting anymore.
“Let’s go to Ganga Ghat. I don’t know what we should do. But we will figure something out.” She said.
“Well take the lead. After all its your place.” I replied.
On reaching there, we walked hand in hand on the shores of water, by the time I noticed the time, it already was 12.15 am.
“So much for wishing each other New Years?” I told her. “We didn’t even realise the day already changed.”
“Good we didn’t. Coz I don’t even want the time to come in between our time.” She replied, circling her hand around my arm and resting her head on my shoulder. I simply bent my head on hers. And said in my mind for umpteenth time “I love you Jaan”
Waiting desperately for the day I could say it again to her.
Authors Notes
*Author is in hiding*
I have no clue if I have done justice to this. I am desperately awaiting your comments to know what you make of it.
Don’t fire me, if this screwed up expectations, comment politely. I don’t know if this was right or wrong, but I have tried my level best. Tell me your expectations and then may be I’ll get some idea of what’s happening.
Thank you. I’ll come out from under the table, no don’t peep I wasn’t here with Kartik 😭😭😭
Keep loving kaira shivin and yrkkh
Watch the show only on SP at 9.30pm
Happy reading.
