The Boy In Black - A BTS Fan Fiction

Mirage

*Trigger warning - depression and attempted suicide*

Namjoon's eyes flew open as he breathed heavily into his arms; that were crossed infront of him. He sat in his engineering class but no one was there. Hastily he pulled his phone from his back pocket to check the time. 3:15pm. School had finished 10 minutes ago. Suddenly realising that Aeryn would be waiting for him by his car and by now be wondering were his is. He forced himself in to a sprint and went as fast as he could towards the carpark. Rather than seeing his girlfriend perched on the hood he saw Jungkook and Taetae, and began to panic.

After trying to explain to a very flustered Namjoon, why his girlfriend wasn't here Jungkook was mentally exhausted. "How about we come back to your apartment and keep you company?" Tae suggested as a  wishful smirk slunk across the lower half of his face. Namjoon just nodded and shifted in the the cars direction. The whole way back Namjoon drove in a cautious manner, so much so that it was obvious that something was playing on his mind and his hyungs started to notice. "Namjoon-hyung are you okay? You look abit tired." The youngest said in a soft tone. Namjoon just flashed a fake smile and pulled in to the lot. 

Namjoon P.O.V
I forced my key in to the lock like I had done everyday since I was 15 and let the boys inside. I watched as the boys threw themselves on the sofa and started flicking through the channels. Quickly I announced I was going to change and both just smiled in response. As soon as the door to my bedroom was closed I slid down it and started to cry, grabbing my hoodie in the process to muffle my cries so the boys wouldn't hear. Even though the boys were in the house with me I'd never felt so lonely and so desperate. The boys don't understand, the only one that does is Yoongi because before I could drive he used to take me to therapy, even if I did plead with him not to take me. The boys never knew how much I envyed them, I envy the way they can say goodbye to their parents every morning, and how they can rely on their eomma to comfort them when they were sick. Although I envyed them I could never bring myself to hate them, never. I was pulled out of my thoughts by my phone vibrating in my pocket.

Aeryn- "Sorry I couldn't meet you after school babe. Holly dragged me to the mall to buy clothes. I'll bring you something okay? Love you Xxx"

For a second I laughed at the thought of my girlfriend being physically dragged around by Holly. My only happy thought of the day was quickly removed and replaced by thoughts of how much I would never deserve her. I would never be able to make her happy. I would always be a burden and she would always be to kind hearted to tell me to leave. I stood up, my back still resting against the door, and removed my t-shirt. Sluggishly I made my way to the en-suite bathroom. I looked at my self in the mirror. My face was tear stained. My eyes were puffy and my hair was a mess. Trying to find energy I reached to the medicine cabinet and took out my anti-depressives and set them done on the counter next to me. I then proceed to cut thick lines in to my arms. Swallowing most of the pills I crawled in to the corner. The last thing I heard before it went black was her voice.

Aeryn P.O.V
After being dragged around the mall for what felt like hours me and the girls finally made it back to Namjoon's. I guess im not quite ready to call it out apartment yet. I'm happier than usual because I've barley seen Namjoon all day because today we only had one class together. At the mall I bought him a really cute Ryan hoodie and a new baseball cap. After opening the door I gave a smile to the two boys that were lounging about on my sofa. "Will you two get your shoes off that sofa! God I sound like my mother." I said letting the thought of my mum dampen my mood slightly. "Anyway where is Namjoon ?" I added quickly letting the imaging of my unbelievably good looking boyfriend perk my mood back up. "He said he was getting changed." Jungkook replied, his eyes flicked to the small red head that was leaning in the door way.

Excited to see Namjoon I smiled and made my way to our now shared bedroom. When I walked in I saw that no one was in here but Namjoon's t-shirt and hoodie were on the floor. My bright smile faded slightly as I picked up the clothes and felt that the hoodie was wet. My next thought was that he was in the bath room so I made my way there. I knocked lightly on the door and shouted for him but got no response, so I shrugged and went in. Straight away I saw the hunched figure in the corner of my bathroom and ran to it screaming as I did. Tears were streaming down my face as I saw the pills that covered the floor and the cuts that littered Namjoon's arms. I tried to shake him awake but he wouldn't open his eyes. "Namjoon breath! Someone call an ambulance! Someone help me!" I screamed to anyone.

Soon every bundled in to the room in panic. Tae had his phone in hand and Jungkook was trying to make Namjoon throw up the pills. But nothing would work. After what felt like an eternity 2 paramedics burst in to the room. One went to help Namjoon while the other tried to calm me down. All I could do was stare at my hands, that were coved in blood, and cry. "Joonie, baby, please wake up. You are the only one have left." I cried out. The paramedic took Namjoon in his arms bridal style and carried him to the ambulance. It was agreed that I went with Namjoon and that the others follow in Namjoon's car.

Around an hour later I was sat holding Namjoon's hand as a machine forced his lungs to breath and his heart to beat. He was covered in tubes and wires. Bandages plastered his wrists all the way to his elbows. Although I could feel our friends watching closely from outside, all I could look at was him. The boy who punched someone to protect me. The boy who sat by my side while I slid in and out of consciousness. The boy who let me in. The boy who held on to me while I cried for a woman he never knew. I tangled our fingers together like we had done so many times. As the tears dried on my face I placed my head down on his hand and drifted to sleep, using the heart rate monitor as a lullaby.

*A/N- I honestly can't write this with out crying.