Chemistry (L.T.)

Chapter 48

Alexia POV

A college cafeteria took on a whole different appearance around finals time. Students walked like zombies, with eyes surrounded by bags formed from one too many all-nighters. Food became the only source of comfort, and many students took advantage of the all-you-can-eat style buffet by filling whatever containers with food for later-not knowing when they would eat again. Perhaps my favorite scene from the cafeteria was the students who thought it was possible to both cram for their upcoming test and eat at the same time, an idea that rarely appeared to work out in their favor. 

Feeling the stresses of finals myself, I had mentally decided that I wouldn't allow our dinner trip to take as long as usual. Zayn had a habit of trapping us in intense philosophical conversations of which neither Marie nor I could follow. 

We take our usual seat, a booth in the back corner and Zayn slides in beside me. "How are you surviving?"

"Ehh," I shrug my shoulders, surviving was a good way  of describing it, I definitely could benefit from a few weeks of sleep at this point. 

"I'm starving," Marie adds, and we take this as the cue to go up and find some food. 

It's when I'm walking towards the pizza line that I see him. Standing there in his black Adidas track suit hand ruffling through his hair as he waits in the salad line. A sense of awkwardness falls over me. Louis was the last person I wanted to see right now, what would I say, what would he say? Last night had to have been a fluke, and if I dwelled on it know it would confuse me. I didn't need that kind of confusion in my life right now. 

It's as I pass that I make eye contact. I try not to think about the blue eyes that I know are staring at me. I try not to think about the pink lips that are likely forming words that will  make my heart beat out of my chest. I quicken my pace to the line, but apparently my pace isn't quick enough. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and turn to stand face to face with Louis Tomlinson.

"Alexia...I..." Louis stumbles, for once in his life it seems like he is at a loss for words. "Last night..."

"Last night we got a lot of work done Louis, I think we are pretty much finished with the project." I cut him off before he can say something that might bring up what happened last night. This wasn't the place for it, I certainly didn't want to have a heart to heart in front of the pizza line. I see the way my words cause the smile on his face to droop a little. He's surprised I'm sure, but if there is one thing that Louis Tomlinson had taught me about myself this semester, it was not to be afraid to speak out. 

Okay, maybe this wasn't speaking out the truth. And although the deep, romantic, butterflies in my stomach part of me wanted to hear what words would come out of his mouth next, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of them. What I felt for Louis was so deep now, that learning that he didn't feel the same way or that I had been misreading the signs this entire time would kill me inside, I just wasn't ready for it. 

Louis catches himself. "Right...ready to be turned in. Thanks Alexia" He rests a hand on my shoulder and my breath hitches for a moment, thinking about the feeling of his hand against my skin and bringing me back to the moment I found myself lying on his chest. 

I grab some food and return to the booth, trying to process what had happened. But as usual, there wasn't much time for processing, as Zayn and Marie slide in behind me. 

"What was that?" Marie asks. 

"What was what?" I respond, however I know exactly what "that" she is talking about. She had probably watched the entire thing unfold like a soap opera before her. 

"Your talk with Louis. You totally blew him off."

"I didn't know what to say Marie, plus we are in a public place and I don't know..." I trail off and glance down at my plate.

"Catch me up please?" Zayn interrupts, and I remember that he is sitting here with us.

"Alexia and Louis spent the night together." I see Zayn's eyes light up with shock, and I mentally curse Marie for always taking things out of proportion.

"We did not." I interrupted, shooting glaring eyes across the table to my friend. 

"Correction:" Marie says, picking up her fork for additional emphasis. "Alexia and Louis had a heart-to-heart while studying, shared a kiss, and then fell asleep on top of each other."

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks. Although Zayn and I had grown close over the course of the semester, I doubted he loved constantly being pulled into all the girl drama that kept happening. 

"And how did you feel about that?" Zayn asks. Oh god, time for another group therapy session.

I pause for a moment. "It was good. He's a good guy. And I like him, I do, but..."

"But what Alexia? There aren't excuses anymore. What do you want?" Marie prods.

"I don't know." I shake my head at my friends. 

"You know, Alexia. I know. Zayn knows. Don't be so afraid to say it. So I'll ask you again, what do you want?" Marie says, making some of the fiercest eye contact I have ever seen. 

"I want Louis." I mumble at a voice so low I don't think my friends can hear. Marie puts a hand up to her ear. "I want Louis." I say louder and with more vigor. The words felt good rolling off my tongue, words that had been bottled up inside my mind for so long that I didn't think they would ever see the light of day.

"Good." Zayn smiles. "Now what's keeping you from getting what you want?"

"What if he doesn't feel the same way? I mean, what if this is all some big lie, and he's really the same guy he was the first day of classes? And what if I make a fool out of myself and I ruin our friendship, and what if I get hurt again?" The words flow from my mouth, each one lifting a weight from my shoulders as my burdens were laid on the table. 

"Alexia, nothing in life is guaranteed and we sure as hell don't get everything that we want, but one thing is for certain, you can never get what you want if you don't take the steps to make it happen. You can't get anything without trying. And that's what you need to do, try. Stop fearing what could go wrong, and start dreaming of what could go right." Zayn rests his hand on top of mine, and I know that of all the pieces of advice of gotten in this world, this one could never be more true. 

I focused my life on what could go wrong: what would happen if I failed a test, what would happen if I didn't make it into med school, what would happen if I didn't pursue a great career. I never thought of all the good that came out of failures, I never thought of all the good things that could happen if I chased after what I wanted. Living in fear had trapped me, and there were so many possibilities when I lived life for the moment instead of the future. 

"So you have a decision to make." Marie says looking at me with sincere eyes. For as much crap as I gave my friend there was one thing that she was good at and that was knowing exactly what I needed to hear even when I didn't want to. 

"I already made it. I'm going after what I want."

*********************************************************************

Thoughts? I can't believe there is only one chapter left! 

Thanks for all your votes, comments and reads, it means the world to me that of all the stories on Wattpad you have chosen to read mine. Can't wait for you to read the conclusion of Chemistry!