A New Dawn

Denial

Harvey

Last night was the weirdest Anna has been, waking up late at night and screaming a sleek and small thing behind me. All I can feel that night was the night breeze hitting my fragile form and the warm floorboards that I’ve been sleeping on. I should look for something soft for us to sleep on instead of hard and cold floorboards. I went back to sleeping position after Anna had her little fit. I know she’s still looking at me, watching my every move, how I breathe in and breathe out. Slowly, I close my eyes and drift off to my slumber.

“MOM?! DAD?! DANNY?! Where are you guys!?” I’m back again to the same dream. I’m all alone in my burnt house, screaming for names, hoping for someone to come get me so it will all be alright. I feel sorry for little Harvey. I feel sorry for him being hopeful that day; that day he became an orphan, and something else. “Mom… Dad… Danny…” his screams are now fading to whispers, he’s losing hope. He’s close. Just a little more kid, you’re almost there. “MO-..” and here he grasps his throat, losing all air on his body, crumpling to the ground like a leaf, and lastly passing out. I got used to seeing my little old self suffering, I know I have a condition before, asthma, my mother always rubs my back and tells me to breathe slowly so I can recover my normal breathing. He’s dying. I should help him, but I can’t, I want to, but I can’t, I need to, but I can’t. He needs to learn how to survive alone. If I can do it, so can he. He’s like a little worm, squirming, trying to reach for something that isn’t there. He stops moving, He’s dead. He died clutching on his throat and his chest. He died hoping someone is going to help him; that someone would care for him. He hoped for too much. It’s here. It always comes from the forest, a small black sleek shadow. Here comes my savior. “Poor… little… human… you’re… dead… all… crumpled… like… paper… what… does… it… feel… like… to… have… a… body… like… yours?..” the shadow moved closer, closer, closer. Do it. Save him. “Who’s… there?!” what is it talking about? No one was there when I died. This happened so many times in my dreams. There couldn’t have been anyone near me that day. “Show… your… self…” this is the first time I had this dream. Who was there? “So… you… know… my… existence… now…” It’s directed at me. Is it really talking to me? “You can see me?” this can’t happen. This is a dream. I am dreaming right?  “Yes… child… I… can… see… you… is… it… fun… seeing… your… self… die… so… many… times?...” he really can see me. “What are you? And why did you save my life?” I stepped closer to it. “I… do… not… have… to… tell… you… child… because… you… already… know… it…” It was fast; it moved in to strike my dead body. In an instant it was inside my dead body and I woke up to reality gasping for air.

“Hey kid!” I cocked my head from side to side searching for the sound. “Anna?” I blurted out. “Nice! You can say my name now. You’re a natural with talking now” she’s not mad at me anymore. She’s actually smiling today. “Can you tell me what your name is?” well that’s pretty easy. “My name is Harvey Williams, son of Freidrick Williams…” I frowned the instant I said that. My father, he’s dead. “I’m sorry about your dad Harvey.” She’s sorry? Why is she sorry? She didn’t kill him. The shadows did it. They took him from me. They took everything away from me. I must’ve been staring at the floor for too long because she snapped a finger at my face. “Hey! Hey! You still there? You are? Okay good. We have a couple more things to learn today before you can really have a normal conversations.” She’s really pumped up today. What did she even eat? “Can I have something to eat first before continuating on talking?” she suddenly had an outburst of laughter. Did I say something wrong? “What’s funny?” I really have said something wrong because she can’t breathe while laughing. I am her form of entertainment for the mean time I think. “Sorry! Sorry! It’s just.. whoo! There’s no such word as CONTINUATING kid! It was continuing! Nice try but you’re getting the hang of it so great job!” I don’t know if she’s mocking me or praising me but it’s somewhere between those two. “There’s food near the old sink. Dad placed it there because he thinks it’s the highest place you can actually store food on” she’s right. Placing food on the floor isn’t really healthy for all of us. Bunch of a fruit, that’s what they call it, healthy, sweet, succulent fruits. I grab one and head out back to Anna. “What are you?”What was that about? And what does she mean by that? What am i? “What do you mean? My name is Harvey” is that what she means? “I didn’t ask for your name kid. I was asking WHAT YOU ARE. Not WHO ARE YOU? Did I make myself clear this time?” I don’t understand. Is this some kind of test?  “Last night. I saw it behind you, the small black and sleek thing. Don’t make a fool out of me. I know I saw it, something behind you. When I woke you up that was the same time it disappeared. Before I fell back to sleep I saw it again, waving back and forth behind you” does she mean the shadow? “Are you talking about my shadow? Sometimes it does waver depending on the moons light” maybe it is just my natural shadow and she’ making a fool out of me again. “Don’t mess with me kid. I can break your bones in so many different ways you can think of and none of what you are thinking is what I’m going to do to you. I’ll make you bleed, suffer, cry for help, until you tell me WHAT. YOU. ARE” she’s not joking anymore and I’m scared. She was smiling before. What happened? “I told you I don’t know what it is you are talking about. I am Harvey Williams if that is what you want to know but other than that I don’t know anything more. I don’t know what you mean by WHAT. YOU. ARE” I’m screaming. Why am I so defensive? What am I defending? “Just tell me what you are so we can be done with-“I’m angry. I don’t know what happened next. Everything blacked out. Anna disappeared. Everything disappeared. I’m all alone in a dark place again. I’m scared. “Please, take me back. I don’t want to stay here again. I don’t want to be stuck like this for another year. I did everything you want me to do. I survived long enough. What do you want from me now?” I’m hopeless. I’m back to where I came from, darkness. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything to make them think I am different. I acted the same way people do. I don’t know what she’s talking about so take me back.” Nothing. I’m hoping for nothing. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t disobey anything it said. Why am I being punished for it? I DIDN’T DISOBEY!