Raised by Ronnie.

"This will be the end of us."

Yes, dears, this is the last chapter. Thank you to everyone who bothered reading it. :) Thank you also to Hellie and Finley for your amazing insight and comments on my story, and thank you finally to Bill for being my Ronnie. I love you, dear. <3 

†Ronnie.†

My heart was racing, my palms were sweating, my head was light, my lips were trembling and my heart felt like it may shatter as Ryan and I sat in my bedroom, waiting for the other to speak. I was being an asshole, I knew it. I regretted doing and saying all that shit onstage, but I got caught up in the heat of the moment. I shouldn't have done it, because it was going to make what I was about to do that much harder. Ryan sat across from me, his hands clasped loosely in his lap. His face looked pale, and I knew he was dying inside from anxiety, but I couldn't speak yet. Not just yet. I knew this was killing him, and it hurt me to watch, but this had to happen, and it had to happen now. I wasn't angry at Ryan, I was angry at me. I shouldn't have gotten carried away onstage and made him as happy as I had. But in a way, I was happy I was able to make him happy at least one more time. What really pissed me off was how happy I was. I didn't deserve to be happy because recently, I'd been a selfish asshole. I'd pulled Ryan out of a life he was supposed to have and sent it down a weird path that it wasn't meant to take. It'd been fun sometimes, and sometimes it'd been serious and other times it'd been perfect, but Ryan wasn't mine. I wanted him to be, and some part of me needed him to be, but he wasn't. 

"Say something?" he pleaded with me. He looked so cute right now. His black hair was matted against his forehead, and his skin was pale. He was wearing a white sleeveless shirt and black skinny jeans.. I smiled slightly. 

"Ryan..." I said slowly. Then I blinked. This was it. Stay strong, Ronnie. "Ryan, look..." I began, but he interrupted me.

"Ronnie, please don't tell me you're leaving me?" he whispered, his voice shaking. I closed my eyes tightly, but didn't reply. 

"Ronnie...please..." he whispered desperately when I didn't reply. It broke my heart to hear, but I couldn't reassure him. Not this time. I didn't want to meet his eyes, but I knew I'd be a coward if I didn't. I looked up at him and saw tears falling gently down his face, and my breath caught in my throat. I didn't want to hurt him. Not like this. 

"Ryan...I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you." I said, my voice trembling. He broke out into sobs that tore my heart open. Why couldn't this be easy?

"Please? Don't. Don't do this, please."  he begged. I clenched my fists. 

"Ryan. Stop being so pathetic. I don't want you." I lied. I knew he could tell I was lying, because I started crying halfway through my sentence, and the end just turned out to be a choked sob.

"Don't lie to me, don't you dare!" he shouted at me. I winced.

"Ryan, please. We're stll best friends, you're still my drummer, and things will go back to how they used to be, I promise." I said, and, giving his hand one last squeeze, I got up.

"I love you." he whispered. I turned around and flung myself into his arms, sobbing. 

"I love you too. I love you." I choked, still crying. He held me at arms length and looked at me with bloodshot eyes.

"Then why are you leaving?" he asked. I sniffed.

"Because, Ryan, you deserve better than me. You deserve a nice woman who will take care of you and cook for you, and who you can marry. Not me, Ryan. You don't want me. I'm broken and bruised and although I love you, that is about all I can do, emotionally. We have no future. Everything would stay as it is, we'd never move forward, we'd never change. You have to see that." 

"I like things as they are."

"For now, so do I. But that will change, you'll want to get more serious, or maybe I will, and because of our lifestyle, we can't. I'm just letting you go now before we get in too deep." I explained, tears still running down my face. I watched his expression change. He finally got it. 

"I'll always love you, Ronnie."

"No, you won't" I said with a sad smile. He smiled back. "Maybe not. But I haven't had as much experience as you. Will you always love me?" he asked. His eyes looked so hopeful, and I didn't even have to think of the answer, it just came to me straight away. 

"Yes, of course I will."