The Story Of Renee

Chapter Three

SESSION 3 Saturday march 7 2014

Renée

"Welcome back Ms. Woods."

"Hey Quimby" I said I wasn't trying to be rude by not saying Mrs but I'm just a little annoyed today. Stacy called me with bullshit this morning talking about my dad tried to get in contact with me again. This wouldn't be the first time, so far in the past year he has tried to reach me fifteen times and I ignore his ass every time.
Jenaé talked to him though, and she met up with him but shes more forgiving then I am. So I don't care.
Like why would I want you in my life now when you weren't there when I needed you the most. So I made it without you then and imma continue to make it without you now.

"Ms. Woods is everything ok?"

"Yes everything is fine. Nothing I cant handle." I stated nonchalantly

"Renée. I can call you that right?"

"Yes." I was wondering when we were gonna get on first name bases.

"Well Renée this is your therapy session and it is meant to help you talk about your personal problems, big or small and remember everything you tell me stays with me not even the judge can read your file. So please tell me whats on your mind."

She was right I mean I have no one else to talk to about my personal shit and if I gotta be here might as well take advantage of it.
Right?
"Well it's my father I never knew him hell I don't even know  how he looks. He was never apart of my life.
Recently he's been trying to get in contact with me and I don't know what to do. I want to meet him but I just can't bring my self to forgive him.
He has be M.I.A all my life and now out of no where he wants to meet me. But were was he when I was born? Where was he when my mother died? Or when I learned how to walk, talk, or use the potty.
Where was he when I skinned my knee for the first time? Why wasn't he there to take me to my very first day of school?
He wasn't there for my first boyfriend or my first heartbreak.
He wasn't their when I turned sixteen, when I graduated highschool, or when I went to prom. He wasn't their for the past 29 years of my life and in three months I'm turning 30 what makes him think its ok to come back in my life now. I'm a grown ass women with daddy issues. That shit ain't cute." I said growing angry.

"Growing up I watched everyone around me have their daddy's love and care for them teach them about boys and right from wrong, and yeah I had uncle Tom but that wasn't always enough. He had his own kids he had to worry about. You know how hard it was for me, every night I had to watch Jordan snuggle up in her daddy's arms and I would wonder were is my daddy? Why is he not here to snuggle with me, to tuck me in at night. I didn't even know if he was dead or not.
I would think maybe he doesn't love me or even know I exist. And Jenaé she was always stronger then me. She never struggled with his absence like I did. I remember in the fifth grade my school had a father daughter dance and I couldn't go because I had no father that night I watched uncle Tom and Jordan get dressed for that dance. They looked so happy and thats when I realized that the hole in my heart will never be filled that night I cried myself to sleep and Jenaé just held me, she told me everything would be alright. After that moment I gave up hope that my father would ever be apart of my life at that point I came to the conclusion that both my parents were dead." I conclided and a tear left my eye.

"I have no father." Now I'm literally in tears. I haven't cried over this man since that night

"Its ok Renée let it out this is progress this could be apart of the reason why your life went down the path it has." Mrs. Qumiby said while passing me some tissues.

"I feel so weak when I cry over him. I felt that I needed to be strong not just for my self but for my sister but in reality she was the strong one she kept me together she was my rock.
I never seen her cry over that man and till this day she still proves to be stronger then me because she forgave him and met him and I can't even bring myself to do the same.
" I am literally boo hoo crying right now and I cant stop. I know I have major daddy issues and talking about it is such a relief for me. I feel as if I have been carrying this load all my life and I finally let some of it go.

"Renée I know this is hard for you but I think you should talk to your father atleast hear his side of the story. Talk to him to, find out WHY he wasn't there. Give him a chance to explain. You never know, theres always two side to a story." She was now looking me dead in my eyes telling me this. Shaking my head I replied with a "I don't know." Because I don't know. I don't know if I can talk to him, if I could hear his voice or even look at him without crying.

"Just try, when you get home today I want you to pick up the phone and call him take that first step he reached out for you now it's your turn to reach back." What she's saying makes sense but its alot easier said then done. But in order to move on from my past I'm willing to take that step into the right direction.