Not Enough

Road runner

Your first love
Is like engulfing a box of chocolate
You absolutely love it
The way the chocolate melts
Or in this case your heart with ever angelic word he speaks
But after a little while you start to regret it
Realizing there are probably issues with eating with much
Maybe it's a belly ache
Or maybe in reality is a migraine
From him freaking out about the shirt your wearing
Because it shows a little to much shoulder
Because in his words
Showing that much shoulder is provocative and attention seeking
And "why should I be seeking attention from others when he should be the only attention I'll ever want"
Two months in is when this started
The control that was played off
As just a love sick puppy that's a little clingy
Apparently when you're in a relationship
You have to okay every little thing
With your significant other
Or at lease that's what my little teenage brain thought at the time.
Month 3 to the day
Some random girl message me on Facebook
"Are you and what's his name still together? Because I saw him making out with his ex at the library"
I was awestruck but not in a good way
I'm not one to really voice my distress
But my words flew out in mass amounts
Some how
With a twist of words
He made me believe him
That that's CRAZY he hasn't even talked to her in months
Then the message from the girl,
The girl who helped put the first little crack in a young and maybe not so hopeful heart
She claimed to hate him
If by hate she meant have mass amounts of lust for him
Truth always comes out
And so it did
Maybe a few weeks late
But oh course I bought it
His twisted demented way with words
That convinced me I needed him
And that if I left him
Bad things would happen
So I stayed
And even after every time
He got caught
I still stayed
Young, dumb, and falsely in love
Until the day
That my own happiness
Became important again
Because why should meeting his every demand
Come above my own mental state
That was being demolished even more every day I stayed
So I left
And finally after a restraining order
So did he
I learned to watch
Even more than I had tried previously to
Manipulation of any form
Control
Mind games
Any signs
And I ran faster than a road runner
Away from even the possibility of love
Because repeating those mistakes
Was one that could not be handled
Maybe my first love
Wasn't really even a first love at all