"Steve?! Bucky said as he pulled down his shirt sleeve but Steve still saw it. "Bucky. What the hell?!" Steve asked grabbing Bucky's arm and pulling up his sleeve, "Its nothing Steve.". Bucky can't look Steve in the eye, knowing how much hurt he would see in Steve's eyes. "Bucky, why the hell would you do this to yourself?!" Steve asked getting more angry, "Just leave it alone, I'm fine Steve.".
~
~ Steve ran his hand over his face, "Yeah you sure are fine because cutting yourself is fine!" , "Steve, I don't wanna talk about this.", "Is this the first time?" Steve asked, Bucky just stayed quiet. Steve turned around and punched a hole in the wall. "Why the hell did you not tell me?! Oh right, I forgot you refuse to talk and look where that got you!" Steve said trying to stop the tears from forming in his eyes. "You want me to talk, fine. Do you know how it feels to feel worthless, to feel like a monster who needs to die. To feel like you don't wanna ever wake up again?! Of course you don't! If you did, I would kill you. Steve, I hurt so much on the inside, I deserve to bleed. I love you Steve, thats why I'm still here, I'm still breathing but it's not that fucking easy." At this point Steve can't stop the tears from coming.
"What do you want me to
say, I'm Sorry? I am sorry but that won't fix anything. I still feel like nothing. You deserve better then me and I'm sorry that
you're stuck with me, Steve, I'm fne like always just go back to bed and leave me alone!" "."P..Bucky let me help you. I don't wanna see you suffer anymore." Steve
said this time in a sweet voice, "Steve. I'm sorry. Just go back to bed. You can't help.."
Steve tried to say something else but
just walked away,
~ Bucky turned around and dug his flesh hand into the bathroom morror knowing, he
just hurt the one he loved the most.
Steve left, he said nothing he just left the room. Then, Steve just stopped in the middle of the hallway and just stood there, thinking. Bucky, the love of Steve's life was doing this and he had no idea. Steve now knew Bucky was in pain, more then he thought. He can't let Bucky suffer anymore, he loves him to much. Steve refuses to lose from once again, he lost him for 70 years last time, this time it may he forever. Steve once again walked back to Bucky's room and opened the door.
~
~
When Steve entered Buck's room, he saw the bathroom light still on and the door open. Then Steve saw Bucky's hand. "Bucky, what the hell did you do now?!", "I-- I kinda punched...the mirror.". Even tho Steve know Bucky was a super soldier and knew it would not hurt him as bad as it should be still was worried. "Buck, we are gonna go wake up tony so he can fix you're hand.", "Steve leave it, I have loved though way worst.", "Now Buck.". Bucky agreed and went with Steve to go wake up tony to fix his hand.
~
~
After Tony fixed Bucky's hand, Steve followed Bucky back to his room. "Sit down on the bed, I got to clean the cuts on your upper arm." Bucky knew there was no point to argue with this so he nodded in response and sat down on the bed. Steve went back to him room, got stuff to clean Bucky's hand and went back to Bucky. Steve then sat the stuff down, "Take off you're shirt, I wanna make sure you have not cut anywhere else.", "Steve, I'm fine. Just go back to bed." , "Buck, we can stand here all fucking night if you wish but you are gonna let me clean your damn arm." , "Fine, be that way.". Bucky took off his shirt, mumbling under his breath in disagreement with this. Steve looked for more cuts but only found scars from past cuts. At this point he just wanted to hold Bucky and tell him how much he loves him but he just can't seem to admit how much he loves him. "Stay still." Steve said as he began to clean Bucky's arm. They both stayed silent while Steve did this. Every once in a while Bucky would flinch at the pain from the peroxide so Steve would wait till Bucky relaxes again.
~
~
After Steve was done, he walked over to Bucky's dresser and grabbed him a shirt to put on. After Bucky put on the shirt he spoke for the first time in a while, "great now Steve go to bed. I'm just gonna read a book or something. I'm not gonna do anything if that's what you're worried about. "Fine. Night Bucky." Steve said as he walked out of Bucky's room. Bucky saw down on his bed, grabbed a book from his side table and began reading it.
~
~
Steve did walk out of Bucky's room but to only grab a blanket from his room and went back into Bucky's room. As Steve entered Bucky's room Bucky put down his book, "Steve, what the hell are you doing.", "I'm going to bed like you said." Steve said as he saw on the other side of the bed. "Steve, you are not staying in here. I meant go to your room. I'm just gonna sit here till you leave." Bucky crossed his arms, "Fine then we both will just sit here.". So, that's what they did, the just sat there. After a while Bucky grabbed Steve's hand, like it was nothing. Steve looked at Bucky confused but Bucky just kept looking forward till he spoke. "I'm letting you win this Rogers." Bucky said as he smiled at Steve. "Well, I'm not losing this.", "Really?", "Yeah really.". "In fact I know a way I know a way I could win right now.", "How's that?" Bucky asked. Steve got up and sat on Bucky's lap, with both of his thighs on either side of Bucky. "Do you still wanna know how I could win?" Steve asked getting closer to Bucky's face. "I mean.... I guess I wanna know." Bucky said leaning forward almost touching Steve's lips. Both where scared of this but both wanted this to last. Finally Bucky had enough courage to put his lips on Steve's. The kiss was slow and sweet. They kissed with each ounce of Love they had and then some. Steve was the first to pull away "I love you Bucky. I'll make the pain go away. I promise.", "I love you too Steve. This does not count as you winning." Bucky laughed.
~
~
After this, they spent every night after cuddling. When Bucky would have a nightmare, Steve would hold him till he was better again. Bucky arm was covered in scars but no new cuts. Steve was right, he made the pain go away. Bucky was happy, he had the one he loved the most by his side.
End
If you read this on my Instagram ( @ Stucky_is_love ) you would have read this in 3 parts but since part 2 was so short, I added part 2 and 3 together on here.
-Britt
