Broken || Dan and Phil

Ready

Dans POV

When you have been away from someone for while, you begin to realize things you hadn't realized before. You could realize what they have brought into your life and what you would be missing if they left, or how much you love them or how they aren't the one for you, or how much they have changed you as a person whether in a good way or bad, or you could realize how hard they made things for you, even if they didn't intend to.

Being with Phil has made me realize just how much of my own life I was forgetting about. I didn't realize how bad things have gotten for me until my attention was no longer on him. I was always so caught up with making sure Phil was okay and always had to reassure him that he was loved and cared for that I didn't notice when I started to feel unloved and forgotten myself. I tried so hard to help him and to make him see how much his life is worth and because I put all of my focus on him, I couldn't see just how much I was hurting and not taking care of myself. I never wanted to give up on him, but after that second attempt I was so angry and hurt that I couldn't keep doing this anymore. I knew he was in a bad state and each day he was slowly slipping back into his old habits, but I never expected to find a goodbye letter written by him followed by him standing on the ledge of a bridge wanting to take his life. Having us be broken up for that month and then having him away at the therapy group for three months have really opened my eyes to what my dad has been fighting with me about all this time and I started to see that he was right. The months he has been away I was fighting back and forth trying to figure out if I wanted Phil in my life again or not and honestly I was leaning towards not as things felt easier not having him around. I felt like I could actually focus on myself instead of always having to push that aside to make sure Phil was okay. I didn't have to worry as much and was able to relax. I was actually living a normal teenage life again and everything felt easier.

But that has changed.

Seeing Phil for the first time in months, seeing the smile on his face as he interacts with all the people who care about him, hearing him laugh through out the entire night, watching him enjoy the moment instead of fearing it. Seeing all of this brought back so many feelings I thought I overcame and all of the love I still have towards him. I came here to see if this would be the end of Phil and I. I thought I would be leaving his house saying goodbye, but that has all changed and right now I am with him for the first time in a long time showing him how much I truly love him.

I push myself against Phil as he slowly lies down on his back, our lips still connected as we engage in a heated kiss. I haven't kissed him in so long and yet I still feel this electric spark that sends butterflies through my stomach. His hand runs up my side and to my cheek, his touch tingling every part he feels. I have missed him so much I just want to touch him, and hold him, and feel every part of him. I know I was angry, but I truly have missed him and even just touching him right now is reminding me just how much I have. I thought I was over him that day that almost was Phil's last, but when Daniel grabbed him and threw him into that closet I felt so much anger that was both driven by the fact that Daniel was taking advantage of Phil without his consent, and that he was touching and doing things to someone who I still loved.

Daniel...

I pull back from Phil as a thought that I have been struggling with ever since it happened invades my mind. I try to push it aside but it comes so prominent that it is retracting me from Phil.

"Dan, are you okay?" Phil asks. I sigh to myself as I lift myself and gently sit on top of Phil. "You look like you have something on your mind?"