Snowbaz one shots

2 - Baz

TW: SELF HARM

"What about this one?"
"Burned myself on a bloody scone tray"
"Why am I not surprised?"

We're sitting on the couch, curled up, participating in a very strange activity that would probably disturb anyone that found out about it. Basically, me and simon are both covered in scars and they've all got a story, so we like to point them out, and the other one has to explain where it came from.

"Your turn" I say to simon
"Okayyyyyyyyyy........" his finger is tracing my upper half, and I can see him mentally checking off every mark that he already has an explanation for. His finger travels up my left forearm and my breath hitches. He notices, but doesn't mention it. The truth is, he's geting dangerously close to a part of my body that contains memories that I block out. The summer between 5th and 6th year was really hard for me, it was driving me mental, how I felt about simon. Rather how he didn't feel about me I suppose. When I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to release some of that pain. I thought that I had solved my problems, untill mordelia noticed the mark and asked about it. I decided that a knife wasn't the answer to my problems, and was left with only a now almost entirely faded mark.

His finger stops on the mark and my stomach fills up with dread.

"This one" he says.

I try to think up a lie. You fell I think you fell and you cut yourself.

"I-I fell down the stairs" I say. I can hear the insecurity in my voice. Combine that with my hesitating to say it, and you have one hell of a suspicious statement. He looks at me like I've just told him that I don't trust him, which I kind of did do.
"Baz?"
"Yes?"
"Is something wrong?
"No, of course not"
"Baz?"
"Yes?"
"Where did the scar come from?"

On anyone else, it would sound like a mom asking her child that didn't come home untill 6 in the morning where they've been, but on simon, it sounds loving. He's using the voice he uses when I'm have a nightmare or a panic attack.

"I-I just" I stutter " I don't want you to worry about me"
"Baz" he says "I worry like you have cancer when you stub your toe, that's not happening any time soon"
"Simon, I need you to promise you're not gonna get scared"
"Baz, you're making me more scared by talking like this"
I sigh " during the summer in beetween 5th and 6th year, I- I wasn't doing so well. I was depressed beyond depressed thinking about you. I loved you so much simon, and It hurt that you didn't love me back. I thought that the only option was to hurt myself."
He looks at me, I can tell there's a part of him that thinks its his fault that I cut myself, so i lift his chin, moving his face so it's level with mine.

"Hey" I whisper "this isn't your fault"
He still won't meet my eyes.
"Look at me" I say, not whispering anymore, but still speaking softly "it's not your fault that you didn't return the feelings you didn't know I had, don't you dare feel bad about it."
He kisses a wide circle around the mark, then smaller and smaller circles untill there's a spiral of love around the scar. The scar that exists because I thought I didn't deserve any. I lean forward and kiss him on the forehead.

"I love you" I say to him

He leans forward and puts his head on my chest

"I love you too"

And he really does

A/N: Sorry if this one was sad, I was reading a fic with the same concept that they liked to ask about eachothers scars, and I tought this would be the direction it went in. When it turned out to just be about simon having a mark from when baz pushed him, I decided to write this. So if you see this idea somewhere else, that's why.

Pace for now :)