Finding Love

Chapter 3

Antes das seis (Before the Six)

That week ended "normally", or something near normal. After everything that happened between me and Vic, or should I say, everything that I imagine between me and Vic, I didn't know what was normal anymore. But I was getting used to it, and I was loving that new feeling - not normal. Little did I know that was just the beginning.

The best thing about my saturday is that I didn't had time to wake. I loved this and I needed this. The second best thing about that is that Friday I didn't had time to sleep. It was first semester in College and everybody was thinking about only one thing: party and more party. I was no different. And that friday, Vic's friends called us to a new pub. To be honest, I was trying to get some distance from Vic. Whe I was around her it seems that my head was about to explode. All my feellings were mixed and I couldn't understand what I wanted. Everything was a mess inside me, except for her eys when she smiled to me. That fucking pretty eyes were my redemption and my safe place. It was impossible to understant or explain.

And then, Friday happened. Around 9pm she came to pick me up. As always, she was driving. I insisted that we could call a taxi, but she used to say that driving was the best feeling in the world for her and she would never miss an opportunity to do. Loud music playing, cigarette out the windown and the wind playing with her hair, she loved that, the feeling of freedom. We were in front of the bar and we already could the big table with everyone that we met. All of her friends from the previous college were drinking, laughing and almost shouting, they didn't care that the rest of the pub was looking to them. As soon as they see us, I saw the embarrassed smile in Carlinhos's face.

Inside me was that feeling, or wish, to forget about everything that happened in the last few days. I decided to stop analyzing every little gesture or smile and simply enjoy what I had. A good friend and a good night. I thought that my mixed feelings were about the "something new" factor. I never had a friend like Vic, and I tried to convince me that this was the reason for the butterflies in my stomach. Sweet illusion, I know. It was impossible to predict the future in that case, I just knew that I wanted to be near her. She made me feel good and happy and I wanted to feel like this for a long time.

The night was going well. More drinks, some food, cigarettes with mint taste, laughing and not-so-discreet looks around the table. It's like the hormones were high that night. Every time my skin touched Vic's I felt an electric current trought my body. In the begging was new, but then became good.

Everything was so good that I knew that something was going to happen. And usually, I am never wrong about my feelings. Around 2am, Carlinhos disappear and I just realized that because he was sitting right in front of me. I ignored that and continued the discussion about the responsible character of Vic. She was the common factor between everyone in the table, so she usually was the subject of the talk. She liked that. A few minutes passed and I saw her phone flashing, was a message. I gave her the mobile, she read it, laugh, got up and disappear too. I was dying inside to know who it was, but I could never ask. We were just friends, right? I continue to laugh with everyone else, but I my mind was boiling with the toughts of where the hell she was.

Almost an hour later, she came back. With Carlinhos. Laughing. In that instant I knew that the night was over for me. My real wish was to get up and go home, but I just pretend that everything was ok while Carlinhos and Vic set back in their places. Nobody seems to care that they were together in some place talking, I think I was the only one to realize that. Was I crazy?

I drink one more sip, feeling the drink burn inside me. At least, I thought was the drink, but in fact was the anger that I was feeling. I just wanted to go, burst into tears, yell with everyone and maybe punch my pillowcase. One more sip. I had to disguise and I was sure that my acting classes were very effective this time. No one seems to realize my anger. Except for Vic. Just 15 minutes after they came back to the table she said the we should go. Without explanation or even ask me. She start to say goodbye from everyone and lost a few more seconds with Carlinhos. I counted.

Without talking, we entered in the car and as soon as we were moving, the music started filling the silence. Knowing that I had a certain freedom in the car, I lowered the music until it was inaudible.

- Are you going to tell me what's going on? - she asked me

- Nothing - I lied. Of course.

- Your face is terrible, your mood suddenly changed and you just disrespected my music. I think we have something going on here

- My face is the same and my mood too. Sorry about your amazing music - And just as I finished my sentence without looking at her, I increased the volume again

Now was her turn to decrease the volume, but the music was still present.

- Carlinhos wanted to talk with me - She knew exactly what was bothering me and I hated that

- Really? I didn't even notice - My acting classes were not enough. She laugh. A lot.

- Cut the bullshit. You did. He wanted to ask me if he could, so to speak, invest in you

Ok. I wasn't expecting that. Wait. He wanted me? Or her?

- I don't want anything with him - I responded without thinking

- Oh, so you are like this because you were jealous of me? - she was smiling, damn, I hate that smile

The question made me more nervous and cold than I already was. It had nothing to do whith jealously. Or had? 

-- 

Hey, me again! 

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