By Your Side (Preview)

Chapter 1

That day always seemed to play repeatedly in my head, and no matter what I did, I couldn't escape it. Like a record stuck on a loop, I kept living out my childhood memories, and it only hurt more each time. It was my self-torture, and as much as I wanted it to stop, that would never happen since it was a memory that I cherished yet despised at the same time. I thought that the medication would help my problem. I hoped it would be enough to stop my dreams or just put a damper on them, but the last thing on my mind was her, and my mind reflected that. Again, as I closed my eyes, I opened them immediately after and was once more in my ten-year-old body.

Even though I knew it was happening, I couldn't muster the brainpower to take control of the situation. I was just an observer, watching as my world collapsed while also reliving what might have been the happiest moment of my life. Eight years ago, it was the hottest day on record, and simply being close to a window was a nightmare. Yet my oblivious young self didn't see it that way, as I brought the orange popsicle to my lips and took a couple licks. It caused my body to erupt in goosebumps but also granted me a temporary immunity to the warmth.

As the taste of the popsicle explored my mouth, I admired how the sun shined and blanketed the world in its light. As if having a grasp on the world that remained resilient as the light rays continued to beat down on the road's asphalt, not giving up in the slightest. I was sure that I could've cooked a batch of cookies on it, and touching it would likely leave someone with a self-inflicted burn. Everything other than the asphalt wasn't in much better shape since the warm gusts of wind were waiting to burn whoever was willing to challenge it. Being out here for too long was just a punishment, yet here I was. Little old me, at ten years old, was out there suffering while sitting on the porch of what's still my parents' less-than-impressive house.

I remember the excitement that coursed through me on that day. I didn't want to move because I was waiting for her. At least I wasn't alone as my father stood beside me, leaning on the railing that wrapped around the porch. I don't recall much about him on that day as my eyes left the street in front of me. My heart was beating fast, and I was holding onto hope because my still-developing mind couldn't genuinely comprehend time. The heat made everything seem like an eternity. The popsicle that acted as my protection from the elements melted away and inevitably fell off the little wooden stick. That's when things were getting critical, and just as I was ready to give up, I saw her. Every last ounce of hope exploded out of my body as a smile formed on my face. There across the street, she stood looking at me. Her dad walking next to her on the sidewalk, holding her hand.

She did what all of us kids are taught at a young age and looked both ways before crossing the street. Again I could feel my heart beating even faster as it deafened all my other senses. It rang in my ears, and I could feel the pulse in my body getting stronger. Watching her, she pulled her dad across the street when the coast was clear, but it was only for a moment. Her walking pace turned into a run, and she let go of her old man's hand and quickly approached me. Her flip-flops smacked against the ground as she made her way up the steps, then wrapped her arms around my neck.

I had never hugged a girl other than her before, yet today wasn't just any old hug. This was the start of something I could never have imagined. We were kids, she didn't have any perfume or makeup on, and she looked at me with such wonderment that I couldn't look away. What I remember most about that day was how she held onto me tightly and the way her silver eyes looked into mine. My heart was pushing against my rib cage as I slowly wrapped my arms around her. If only I had known what I knew now, things might have been different.

"James!" She screamed, and her voice was rather piercing.

"Hi, Hannah," I remember myself saying as we hugged before turning to look at her father.