It's kinda funny
My parents, born and raised
In the hood
Some how got all five of us
Flourishing in the suburbs.
Some say how lucky we are
But some times I look in the mirror
And I stare at my colored skin.
It aches for a sense of community.
It's dark patches were smeared against white insides.
Like I'm supposed to be a
Milky graceful girl
But it was corrupted by a sweet chocolate
But I also see my past
Dripping out my pores.
Ancestors showing up through my color.
Like this is the skin I belong in.
I'm confined to black or white
But never my Latino brown.
No native language escaped my lips
No trace was left besides the
Curly hair and brown skin.
I was convinced I was white
Until I was with black
And yet i am still brown.
I look in the mirror
Trying my hardest to fall into
A community.
I act elegant and speak
In long words.
I utilized gargantuan idioms to
Fabricate intelligence.
Never saying the "N" word
In front of my white friends.
But when my black friends came around
It was like my words were short,
Cut off and incomprehensible.
I talked louder,
Moved my body in sync with my speech.
I wore long nails
And listened to music I was not
Too familiar with.
Saying nigga left and right
And watching the crackers walk by.
But as I found my people,
They spoke a language foreign to me.
Words I did not understand.
Too fast for me to pick up.
Their customs were similar to mine
But I was tainted with black and white
Cultures.
I did not fit in with
My people.
I look in the mirror and wonder if
I was ever a disappointment to
Those who came before me.
If their spirits have left me
Have no use of me,
Because I no longer carry
Their legacy.
like a purebred
Having a mut
Like I was so far lost
That the breadcrumbs
We're eaten upon landing.
I wonder if this pain in my chest will be resolved.
If the community will except me.
If I will fit in any where
If my body was useless here.
If I will stop being an enemy to myself.
-A.a
