My Twisted, And Somewhat Dark, Life

Hanahaki (long)

So me and a guy that I met in 6th grade (I'm a sophomore in highschool now) used to be pretty good friends okay. He liked me for a long time, but I would always say no because I wasn't looking to date anyone back then and because he didn't really know me so I would ask him stiff like: "What do you like about me?" This was a serious question, not like "I wanna tease him haha!" No. Even back then I had a bunch of self hate and thought that there was nothing good about myself. Anyways. So its September and I'm playing a game on my phone, but I find that I can't stop thinking about, let's call him A. This continues for a couple of days until my depression comes back. How I vent is by listening to music, at first sad songs, then rock, then pop, then dance. So I'm listening to This Is Home by CAVETOWN when he texts me. And he just cheered me up with his goofy, geeky self. We start to RP via text and I start to make it a little more flirtatious because I realized that not only did I like him but that he has been with me for YEARS and he still liked me enough to stick around and still have a crush on me. In the RP we ended up kissing (it didn't go any further pervs) and when it was done he asked who the characters were, and me being cheesy and still in flirt mode was like: "Us maybe?" Practically asking HIM out instead of vise versa this time. He said okay and then we started going out.
Now some of you guys may be wondering why this chapter is called Hanahaki considering that its a fictional disease that is caused by unrequited love. Well me and A broke up in October. The reasoning is because I wasn't allowed to date so we were never able to see each other since I live in the middle of no where basically. I noticed that he was texting less often and wouldn't mess around as much and most of all he stopped saying I love you. Instead he would say, "Same" or "Me too". So I had to literally tell him to say that he loved me, which I hated since it made me feel like a piece of shit. I talked to him, he told me what was up and we broke up.
We recently talked, at first it was about music (the song above is what he has been listening to lately) and then we found out that we still have feelings for one another but he doesn't seem to want to try again. Which made me feel even worse than before honestly because I felt as if I was coming off as needy, desperate, and obsessive. So now it's weird between us and we haven't said a single word to each other since the fourth (of January). I want to talk to him but I feel like if I'd only be an emotional burden to him. And I still love him. IDK.

Anyways
Thank you for listening Lovers
Bye~