where you belong

Chapter 20

“I – I can’t.” Jimin’s little fingers were crushing Jungkook’s hand so the latter leaned to kiss the forehead in front of him, feeling how his baby’s body was trembling. 

“I know you can, love. Four bites is amazing.” It was close to nothing but it still counted as progress and that meant a lot for the both of them. The most excruciating time was after the meals because that’s when the boy felt nauseous or desperate to escape and throw up and that’s why Jungkook insisted for them to hold hands. They’ve been starting from the point where the blond couldn’t stand to smell food so keeping four bites inside, especially meat, was a miracle. “You’re doing so well.” He’s been trying to do his best to support his hurting boyfriend, he accompanied him to therapy once a week and he tried to fill him with body positivity but it was a lot harder than he could have imagined. 

One day, he’s packed Jimin some fresh grapes for lunch at college and added a small note that said : “You’re the most beautiful boy, never forget that”. He even drew a little heart but the result was the younger having a full-blown panic attack in the middle of the cafeteria. That day must have been one of the worst, he couldn’t remember ever seeing him crying so much and it was terrible because all he could do was to try and fix everything. 

“Are you tired, baby?” He asked in a hushed tone and Jimin nodded, resting his head against a strong shoulder. “Do you have work to do?” Projects were another serious matter because he could barely concentrate and now it took twice as much to finish his work. Jungkook often offered to help but he was helpless whenever it was too complicated because it was not his field. A small nod made him sigh but they both moved to the slightly smaller room where Jimin took his place at the desk while Jungkook sat on the bed, laptop on his lap.

The brown-haired man couldn’t focus so he let his eyes wonder around the room, stopping a few seconds to stare at the covered mirror. They covered it because it made the boy uncomfortable and he’d often look at himself for too long, finding too many flaws and hurting himself mentally. He looked at the calendar where stickers were still decorating each square; he thought of taking those from the “cheating” days down but he didn’t because that would only have made Jimin feel lower. An almost-whimper was heard and soon papers were pushed aside in an angry gesture, scaring Jungkook. He got up and went closer to the desk where the blond was staring into nothingness, his eyes empty. 

“I can’t do anything.” He whispered, turning to look into understanding browns. The older thought about the possibility of suspending the year but never suggested it because it wasn’t fair to intervene like that in his boyfriend’s life. He wasn’t sure his parents would accept either and then he’d only be called a bad influence by uninformed people. “Can we watch cartoons?”  

“Of course, baby, come here.”Jungkook murmured and extended his hand. He still had a lot of work to do but he knew his priorities and soon they were cuddling on the bed, watching Pinocchio. Jimin was in between long legs and holding the stuffed baby chick he got from the carnival, his back leaning against a strong chest while arms were wrapped around his middle. The boy’s been in little space a lot more and the therapist told them it was because it made him feel safe and as if he could escape the problems, which was completely fine with Jungkook. 

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sweets?” Jimin paused the movie.

“Do you want me to be little?” Huh? He didn’t understand the question so he didn’t answer. “Littles are supposed to be small, they shouldn’t be overweight like I am.” The man felt a shiver crawling down his spine at the idea and his eyes fell on the outstanding shoulder blades and spine. Jimin’s ribs were showing and he still considered himself overweight and only then it dawned to him that he might have thought this from the start.