No Control | The Night Before

17~ Walking In The Wind

I thought of nothing else over the next thirty six hours. Louis' news dominated not only my every waking minute, but my dreams too. Faceless babies swam before my eyes, paparazzi lurked in the depths of my subconscious, and I found myself imagining potential media headlines for when the story would eventually break: One Conception - boybander Louis Tomlinson to become a dad. All of this came from my own mind, as apart from a brief text exchange confirming that the second Cardiff show had gone well, we hadn't really spoken. Everything seemed to be leading up to Sunday when we would talk things through. 

My stomach was churning on the drive over to Louis' house that afternoon, and I checked my reflection repeatedly in the rear view mirror at every set of traffic lights. By the time I pulled into his driveway my hands were trembling, and I occupied them with my keys and phone as I locked the car and walked up to the front door. He greeted me in the doorway wearing a pair of grey joggers and a yellow Adidas sweatshirt, his hair messy and going in all directions. He looked me up and down, smiling. 

"Wow. You look fucking sensational."

I blinked, and glanced down at my outfit to make sure I hadn't accidentally worn a ballgown or something, in my fluster.

"Do I?" I asked, in confusion. It was just a pair of black skinnies with a loose top, but he stared at me with the smile fixed on his face.

"Yeah. It's the same outfit you wore when you came to my house party... that night."

The night we had first slept together. I swallowed hard. He was absolutely right - it was. I hadn't chosen it intentionally - it was just a nice top that fitted well, and I had wanted to look good.

"Do you fancy going for a walk, to talk?" he suggested, as I stepped into the hallway. "It's such a beautiful afternoon. Seems a shame to waste it sitting inside."

"Sounds good to me," I shrugged.

I waited while he pulled his trainers on, and then we climbed into his Range Rover and took the short journey south to Hampstead Heath, making awkward small talk and avoiding the subject of us.

"No skates today," he teased as we jumped out of the car and walked slowly across the gravel towards one of the perimeter paths. The breeze lifted the ends of my hair and whipped them against my cheeks as we walked along side by side, our hands in our pockets and both seemingly lost for words.

"So, how have you been?" he asked eventually.

"Fine, thanks," I replied. "I managed to brush Maddie and Phoebe off by acting all mysterious about the backstage meet and greet. They think it was just a one off. I mean, let's face it - no one would guess that we're... you know..." I trailed off, as Louis' eyes that had been on mine just moments before quickly averted to the path at our feet.

"That's good," he muttered.

"Yeah," I muttered back, swallowing nervously and tucking my hair behind my ear. "So... the Cardiff shows went well? I saw some concert videos of the second night doing the rounds on Twitter."

"Yeah, we're back in the swing of things now," Louis nodded, kicking a large stone with the toe of his shoe. It skittered merrily ahead of us.

"I'm really sorry again, for springing my news on you like that on Friday," he said, after a few moments of silence, and I waved away his apology with my hand.

"Are you feeling any clearer about the whole thing?" I asked, and he looked up to meet my gaze.

"Sometimes, yes. And then sometimes it seems to hit me all over again, and I flounder. I never planned on having kids quite so young. It will change everything; not only for me, but for everyone else too."