Psychotic Joan

A goodbye, not a farewell

I looked at my mother in confusion and sadness, not understanding why Jane shouldn't wake up anymore. "Why mommy?.." I asked as tears found their way into my eyes. "S-she's dead sweetie" I could see how she had to fight with those words. "What does that mean?" I asked even more confused, if this was possible. "That means...well..." she had problems to explain it, her sobs and tears making it even harder "humans don't live forever and when the life is over, someone dies. Its like falling asleep but you don't wake up again.." she tried to explain. I looked down and nodded sadly, not completely understanding but now crying as well "b-but I wanna play with Janie..." I said quietly.

My mother hugged me tight and cries even more "I know sweetie, I know...but now, please stay here and don't come out, okay? Ill be back in no time" she didn't even waits for my response but got up and left the room.

There was I. A five year old girl who didn't understood anything anymore. I don't know how much time had passed before I could here sirens, followed my blue and red lights in front of my window. I got off of my bed and looked outside to see two police cars and one ambulance. Many people stood outside and surrounded Jane. My parents were there as well, hugging and crying. After a while they gently picked up Jane and brought her into the ambulance. I was curious and confused what they are doing but I didn't wanted to go out of my room.

Later that day, when everyone except for my parents left, I cuddled with my parents. My father wasn't crying anymore. I think he wanted to seem strong but my mother couldn't help it. She cried so much and so did I.  Around 8 pm they brought me to bed and tugged me into my blanket, both kissing me on my forehead and wishing me a goodnight. A small light slightly brightened my room since I was a little afraid of the darkness as I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep successfully.

I woke up from a soft voice calling my name. I jumped up and looked around happily "Janie?!" I saw nothing but the light form my small lamp. "Jane?..." I asked again, less happy now. Nothing but the noises from the forest outside. My mother opened my door carefully. I guess she must have heard when I woke up "is everything okay sweetie?" I looked at her and noticed that she still had tears n her eyes "Jane was here!" I said fast. My mother stared at me with widen eyes.

"J-Joan..." she paused for a bit "Jane isn't here anymore sweetie..." she said quiet as more tears formed in her eyes again. "But I heard her!" I protested "she said my name! I'm sure it was her!" my mother grabbed my hands gently and looked at me "Joan...I know you miss her but you have to let go.." her voice cracked a bit at her last words. "But!" I protested again as my mother slightly but still gently squeezed my hands "please try to sleep sweetie...we will talk tomorrow..." she sighs but smiles a bit "do you want to sleep with is tonight?..." I just nodded and crawled into my mothers arm as she lifted me up and carried me into my parents room. She lied me between them and we all fell asleep sooner or later again.

Next morning I woke up in the protecting arms of my father. As I turned around I thought to see my mom but she was not there. I squirmed out of my fathers grip and got up, walking downstairs "M-mommy?..." "Joanie!" I heard someone saying with a giggle and a too familiar voice.