Psychotic Joan

I'm not crazy!

I looked around to see nothing. I was so sure that I heard her voice but no, nothing...nobody was there. I heard footsteps and looked behind me "mommy!" I almost yelled and hugged her. She was a bit surprised but hugged back "Joan...who did you talk to?.." she asks calm even though her voice was a bit shaky again. I smiled as if that would be normal "to Jane! I heard her voice again!" my mother teared up again just hearing her name "Jane is dead and she won't come back Joan now stop saying that!" she said with a mad voice. I almost teared up, not knowing what I did wrong since I just told her the truth. She hugged me again and calmed down "I'm sorry sweetie...mommy is just really sad..." I nodded and mumbled "I know..." My mother looked at me with a small but warm smile "how about we cook something together?" I started to smile again "yes!! Can we make pancakes?" I asked with a brighter smile. My mother seemed a bit happier seeing me happy.

We made pancakes together and I got my father downstairs. After our breakfast we ate together, my mother said i should go up to my room. The day passed fast and in the evening I slept in my own bed again. I woke up some times, hearing her voice but I tried not to shout her name again, not wanting to concern my parents. In the next morning I woke up to the sound of my mom opening my door. She sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me as I looked back at her with a sleepy smile. She didn't smile back.

"You heard her again in the night, didn't you?.." she said in a voice I never heard form her before. So serious. Normally she was such a happy and nice woman but not now. Her gaze pierced through me and I just looked away "I hear her...really" she sighs and hugs me as I hugged back tight. We remained like this silently for a few minutes before she pulled away "we have to go shopping, remember?" she looked at me with a small smile. I nodded exited as my mood almost jumped up to happy again. Next week I would come onto school and I was so happy about that.

~~that evening~~

I sat in my room and looked at my new things for school. You probably wonder 'five years old and already school?'  and yea, my birthday was in the week I got into school. I started to pack my bag as I head her again "I want to go to school with you Joanie!" I looked around again, knowing that it was Janes voice. "You can't see me!"I heard her giggle "but I want to see you! I want to hug you!" I whined as my mother came into my room. She looked at me, worried. "Joan...you need yo stop talking to Jane, okay?.."  i Instantly started to protest "but I wanna talk her! I wanna play with her an-" "ENOUGH!" my mother yelled and interrupted me. I started at her with widen eyes.

She looks at me, her look mixed with emotions. Mostly i could see rage and sadness. I teared up a bit at her yell and she sighs "I'm sorry Joan...but don't talk to Jane anymore and don't talk about her..." with these words she got up and walked out of my room. "I'm so sorry Joanie..." I heard Jane whisper but I ignored her. That night I went to bed without any food because I was too scared of getting yelled at again.

~~one week later~~

"Mommy! We have to go!!" I giggled in excitement. This was the day I would go to school the first time. My birthday was one day before but we did nothing special. We drove to the school and I couldn't stop smiling and giggling. As we reached the school both of my parents brought me inside. The day was so much fun for me and I was so exited for the next day. School ran good for me for two years.

~~two years later~~

I was 9 am and I was in school, hiding in the toilet. I wasn't allowed to talk to Jane when I was home so the only way I could, was when I was in school. People just thought I talk to myself for a while but they slowly thought I was crazy. They started to laugh at me and I lost friends because they were even scared of me. "W-why are they like this?..." I asked sobbing "I don't know Joanie but don't worry, she will come back" Jane anwered, even though its seemed like only i could heat her. My best friend just told me that she doesn't want to be my friend anymore because I was too scary.

At the end of school I just ran out quickly and went home as fast as possible. When I ringed the doorbell to my house I smiled because I knew I was save there but i knew something were wrong when I saw the worried face of my mother when she opened the door "come in Joan..." she said calm. Almost too calm. I nodded and walked in "o-okay mommy.." I stuttered. "Bring your bag into your room and then please come downstairs" she said and then walked off into the living room. I did as told and brought my bag upstairs into my room "i'm a bit scared" I mumbled, hoping my parents wouldn't hear. "I know but I bet its nothing bad" Jane said in a nice and cheering voice. I smiled a bit and walked downstairs again, into the living room where both of my parents waited for me. My father looked at me and pointed to a chair they had placed in front of the couch "sit down" I was scared but I did as he said and sat down. "We got a letter from your school, Joan" my mother said in a serious voice that I had never heard before Jane died but to this times I head it way too ofte. She held a letter in hands, keeping her look at me.